Does anyone remember the movie "Little Big Man" with Dustin Hoffman? I remember nothing of the movie except one scene where the Indian Chief went to his funeral pire and lays down to die. I think Dustin Hoffman sits beside him until he dies. Time passes but the next scene is the old Chief opening his eyes, looking around and saying, "I'm still here?"
That's exactly how Bill has felt the past couple days. As his body deteriorates and his consciousness is less, he knows that he's close to crossing over, but each time he opens his eyes I can tell he's thinking, "I'm still here?" How frustrating it must be for him to not be able to do anything for himself and that he's stuck in a time warp. And there's nothing anyone can do about it but wait for God's timing.
We all feel like we're stuck. A day blurs into the next. I can't remember what I did this morning, let alone who called or came yesterday. Being a person who likes a plan and is (somewhat) a control person, it is hard to "allow" others to come in and clean my house, do my wash and care for Bill as I rest. How grateful I am, though, for everyone who has had a hand in our care.
Jon has been great and doing alot of Jessie care, wash and Bill's care. Being a nurse helps, but when it is your family, your training isn't all that good. It's a whole different ball game, so to speak. Please pray for him as he helps care for all of us.
No comments:
Post a Comment