A New Look

Keep watching for a picture of the "new" Bill.  He is SOOOOOO cute with no hair.  Today he looked like a bouncer with his dark sunglasses and no hat.  I think he should get his ear pierced next. ( He's currently staring at me and the vibes I feel from him are not too loving.)  I put a bracelet on his ankle tonight, too, and that didn't go over well either.  He's such a good sport!

Chicken Soup

I want to tell you about something that happend in my life over 12 years ago.  At the time, my boss was a very spirit-filled woman (still is) who spent each day serving the elementary children and parents where we worked.  God ministered to her in a very special way, especially on days that were very difficult.  Inevitably on those challenging days (that no one knew about but her and maybe me) someone would walk in the door and bring her some form of nourishment - mostly soup!  Many days were challenging for me, too, but did I ever get soup?  NO!  We talked about this and she said that God reminded her that He was taking care of her as she was ministering to those He brought to her.  She happened to like homemade nourishment and He knew what made her feel special and gave her a tangible reminder that He was there with her.

As you know from yesterday's post, yesterday ranked high on my list of a very bad day.  Nothing topped yesterday's news except for the time we were first told that Bill had cancer.  I held together for a couple hours and thought I was doing pretty good until we stopped at Sam's Club and had a panic attack and couldn't stop crying for over a half hour.  That was embarassing. 

Anyway, by the time I got home I was numb and wondered what I could make for dinner.  I began making french toast when the door bell rang.  There stood a teacher friend of mine from the days mentioned above with a bag of something.  She said she wondered who could use some CHICKEN SOUP and thought of me.  Immediately, my mind went back to the days of God giving my boss soup when days were bad.  I was awestruck by this very tangible sign from God, to me, that He is and always will be with me - good days and bad.  Thank you, God, for chicken soup!   

A Red Lobster Day

We LOVE Red Lobster but only go there to celebrate something, maybe once a year?  After today's doctor's appointment we did NOT have anything to celebrate but felt we just needed to go and drown our sorrows in their delicious biscuits and seafood.  So, eat we did and we enjoyed every forkful.

I'm numb as I write this.  It appears that Bill was misdiagnosed.  He does not have pancreatic cancer - he has esophogeal cancer.  I suppose it doesn't matter where it started since it is stage IV and in the liver, lungs, pancreas, esophogus and lymph nodes, no matter where it started.  However, since chemo is tailored to the kind of cancer, the past 2 months the chemo was for the wrong area.  Thus, the cancer has gotten worse.

Tomorrow he has an emergency chest CT then Thursday they will give him the "big guns" chemo.  Treatment will last over 6 hours and side effects will not be good.  We would appreciate your prayers as we deal with this new development. 

Girls Day Out

We removed Jessie from a work experience school over a year ago and she has been so much happier and is learning so much more.  Tuesday through Saturday we have an aide who works with Jessie on academics, art, and so much more.  Plus, Tuesday is Library Day, Wednesday is Baking Day, Thursday is Shopping Day, Friday is Breakfast-Out Day and Saturday is a special event day (show, mall, etc.).  Sunday is Church on TV and Family Day, and Monday is Girls Day Out.  Jess and I spend the day together and we go shopping and out for lunch.  I love being with my daughter; she is so much fun to be around.  Today we went to the bank, got gas, went grocery shopping, ate Grinders at Bellacino's and went to church and worked in the Library for a bit.  Today we had Girls Day Out Plus One Guy: we let Jon go with us.  I love being with both my kids. 

Bill worked all day today and probably pushed himself too much.  Very tired tonight and it's been a hard emotional evening, anticipating the doctor's appointment he has tomorrow for CT and biopsy results. 

Sunday

Jon went to Sunday School, Bill took his Mom to church, I stayed home with Jess.  My sister took my mom to her house for the day.  I fixed a nice dinner, Jess went swinging in her hammock, I read a good book, Jon played on his xbox with Jacob, Bill rested.  It's almost 8:30 p.m. and Jon's been in bed for an hour, Jess is asleep on the couch and Bill's asleep in the recliner.  Like I said yesterday, days like today I almost forget that we're dealing with cancer.  Almost. 

Another "A" Day

What could be better than an A+ day?  How about 2 A days in a row!  Yup, Bill's felt good and looked good.  Fatigue has also been minimal.  Minute pain.  For me, it's almost easy to "forget" that Bill has cancer when he has such good days.  I asked him if it was like that for him, too, and he said, "No, I never forget." 

An A+ Day

Bill went to work today and accomplished more than he set out to do.  Everything went well and the wind didn't carry him away.  He felt good and looked good.  Thank you, Jesus, for an A+ day for Bill.

I spent the first half of the day still in the dumps and had the weepies.  Boy, I hate being in that state of mind.  I kept reminding myself that I was allowed to be down for a bit, but I wasn't about to wallow there.  Late this afternoon I was back to my normal self, what ever that is. 

The crabbies must be going around, because Jess had her turn today.  She was so crabby for her aide, that she finally had to take a nap.  She slept hard for about a half hour, then was back to her loving self.  Sort of. 

Soon I'll post something about my wonderful son.  Just have to ask him what I can and can not post. 

Have You Sent Me A Message?

Some have said that they have sent me a message, but I haven't received them.  I looked over my e-mail address at the bottom of this blog and realized that I did not have a period before com.  I've fixed it, so if you've sent me one, and I didn't respond, this is the reason why.  Sorry about that. 

CT Scan and Blood Work

Today was a day of sitting and waiting.  Bill had to be at the hospital at 9:50 in order to drink the contrast for the CT scan scheduled for 11:20.  Today's "delicious" liquid was a different flavor - blueberry!  He should have know that it wasn't as good as it smelled when they handed him 2 suckers for when he finished drinking!  CT scan done, downstairs for lunch in the cafeteria, then drove across the street to sit and wait in the doctor's office before his 1:15 appointment for blood work.  We received the results immediately and were glad to see that his platelets came up considerably and everything else looked good, too.  He was very tired today, had 3 nose bleeds and not the least bit crabby. 

Three months ago today, June 23, was the beginning of this "adventure".  Bill found the blood clot in his arm and after the doppler was sent to the hospital because it was a DVT (deep vein thrombosis).  It's been a very long and scary 3 months, but God has been ever faithful in being with us each step of the way. 

Since yesterday's post about Bill's being crabby, I have to put on here that I was the one that was a tad bit crabby today.  Too much sitting, a couple hours spent at my mom's, pain in my shoulders, hips, back and knee.  I'm a little down tonight, too.  Not sure how to process some thoughts right now.  I know that tomorrow will be better.  Pleasant dreams, everyone!

Vacation Day 3

Vacation's over!!!  Today started with breakfast at the motel, left and stopped at Bridgeport for some shopping, drove around a State Park where we used to camp, and DQ before getting home at 4:00 p.m.  A very fast 3 days. 

Bill seemed to have a good day, although he was very tired and had another nose bleed.  He's been having many of those the past several months.  They are very upsetting to him.  He also was VERY crabby.  He either wasn't feeling as well as he said he was, or Jess was getting on his nerves.  I must admit, she does tend to get on one's nerves, especially since we've been together so much in the past 3 days.  That's why we get 2 rooms, so she'll have at least one-half of a room to veg out in. 

Speaking of crabby, wait until he sees the picture I've posted of him at the pool! 

Vacation Day 2

What could be better than spending time with your family?  Absolutely nothing.  It just blesses my heart to see Jess have as much fun as she's having here.  She walked around near the Tridge, went in the pool and hot tub again, putt putt golf and "made" us play Apples to Apples with her.  She's watching her SuperBabies 2 dvd again - for the 6th time.  She brought 20 dvd's and refuses to watch anything  but the one with the babies.

Bill's had a good day.  We tired him out again and he had to take a nap, but isn't that what vacations are all about?  Not too much pain today, either.  That's a plus.

Enjoying a 3-day Get Away

Greetings from Midland!  We're staying at a resort that gave us $50.00 in "fun money" and we used half of it at the indoor putt putt, which was alot of fun. No one was golfing but us and Jess had an awesome time.  She was so excited she could barely contain herself.  Whenever we got our balls in the hole, she'd yell: "Yah! Mom!  Yah, Dad!  Yah, Jon!"   We then spent more of our fun money at the arcade.  Bill and Jon did some shoot 'em up games and Jess and Mom tried to get stuffed animals in the grab thingie.  I'd get over the one she wanted, the claw would lower to Sponge Bob and she'd yell, "Thank you, Jesus!"  Only, we never got Sponge Bob.  So much for Mom's talent.  Last, Jess and Mom and Bill and Jess played air hockey.  I wish I could have shown you how awesome Jess plays.  Her hand and eye coordination was super.  She'd win a tournament, for sure!

Bill's had a good day, although he's been in bed resting for the past 2 hours.  He said he felt better today than yesterday, so that's good!  He's really looked forward to this mini vacation.

Sunday

Bill had periods of feeling good, sick and being very tired today.  He spent the morning watching a tree company cut unwanted limbs out of several of our trees.  Why they had to show up at 8:30 on a Sunday morning is beyond me.  The men do excellent work, but their boss' timing is a bit off.  They should have been here 3 weeks ago.

Bill's sister, Ruth, took her Mom to church today and someone spilled the beans that it was Mom's 97th birthday.  However, I'm sure she enjoyed the "Happy Birthdays" and hand clapping.  This was my Sunday to go and take my mom.  We have to take turns staying home watching Jess, as she gets panic attacks at church.  Too many people, too loud.  She does watch church on tv every Sunday.  Sometimes she'll sit there for hours listening to various pastors preach.  We know when it's a great sermon when she yells: "Wo-ya!" (Halleluah!).

Bill's Saturday

"BLAH!"   And that's a direct quote!

Happy Birthday Singer Sisters

Tomorrow is Bill's Mom's 97th birthday.  Today is her sister, Etta's 95th birthday!  Chris brought Etta, Bill's sister, Ruth, is here, and we had an impromptu birthday celebration.  Both sisters had a nice time visiting. Chris brought some old picture albums and the sisters were challenged in identifying people from the 1930's and on.  They did really good!

Chemo Again

Today was chemo day again for Bill.  He does well afterwards for about 3 hours then it's downhill after that.  He's pretty rough tonight but hoping for a better tomorrow.  Since he's finished 2 rounds of chemo, he'll have a CT scan next Thursday and the following Tuesday we will meet with the doctor to see what the next step will be.  He's grateful for the prayers of so many. 

Happy Anniversary To Us

On February 7, 1983, Bill asked me out for the first time.  April 26 he gave me a ring, and at exactly 4:35 p.m. on September 17, 1983, 27 years ago, we said "I DO!!!!!!"  Now I wouldn't suggest such a short, whirlwind courtship to young people, but since we were both older and our clocks were ticking, we didn't want to waste any time.  It's been a wonderful 27 years.  Granted, it's not been perfect, but pretty close.  For me, he was and always will be my knight in shining armor.  I thank God almost every day for giving me such a wonderful husband.  Happy Anniversary, Willie!

A Comment From Bill

The other night I asked Bill how personal I could get about him on this blog.  He just stared at me for a moment then said: "Well, do not publish my underware size, but if you want to tell them my shirt size, I could use a few more shirts!."  So much for a straight answer. 

Today was a rough day for Bill.  He's had nose bleeds for months - even before being diagnosed with cancer.  It's difficult for him because he never knows when it will happen.  He didn't work today because of the rain and he said that sitting around  is hard for him.  He does better mentally when he can go to work.  Tomorrow is chemo day again and both of us aren't looking forward to it.  We'll probably get the results of the biopsy on his esophogus, too.  I really don't even want to know.  I'd like to be an ostrich and stick my head in the ground for awhile.  When I pop my head out, things will be like they used to be. 

My Mom

Thursdays I spend the day with my mom.  She is 87 1/2 years old and is quite needy.  Today Bill and I (Bill got rained out at work) took her to Kohl's to buy a new autumn table cloth and some fall decorations.  Even though she's legally blind with macular degeneration, she still enjoys making her house look nice and decorating for the seasons.  We ate grinders for lunch then took her to get a hair cut and perm.  Then I brought her back to our house for dinner before taking her home.  She's pictured here with my sister's two dogs, Bailey and Roxie.  She has a cat, Meeko, who keeps her company. 

A Great Day

A much better day for Bill today.  He felt better and accomplished more than he had expected at work.  He was even well enough to fix dinner, as I was out of town.  I spent the day with my close friend, Chris.  Not only have we been friends for years and years, but we're cousins-in-law (our mother-in-laws are sisters).  Anyway, we had a great day together.  We ate and shopped.  Fun, fun, fun!  Thanks, Chris, for a wonderful day.  Let's do it again real soon.

Bill's Day

Bill went to work today, but for the first time, he had to come home after half a day.  This round of chemo has really made him very tired and sick.  After resting in the afternoon he felt a bit better.  He plans on going back tomorrow.  I admire my husband.  He is bound and determined to keep working as long as he can, and he certainly tries each day.  Here's to a better tomorrow!

About Bill

One of the reasons I created this blog was to keep everyone up-to-date on Bill's progress.  As many of you know, Bill had a DVT in June, a CT scan on July 7 and a liver biopsy on July 27.  On July 30, we were told that he has Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer.  That was a very difficult day in our lives.  Hearts were torn apart and tears flowed freely. Surely this can't be happening to us! 

What do you do with news like that?  Well, there were several days of crying, praying, crying, praying, and wondering what do we do now?  After the first few days, we made a conscious effort to take just one day at a time.  When we start to think of what COULD happen in the future, that's where we run into trouble.  Definitely.  So, we try to train our minds to rebuke those thots and Praise God for TODAY. 

Bill's had 4 chemo treatments so far.  They are on Friday's so he can relax on the weekend and be able to go to work on Monday.  Work?  Yes!  He is still working.  I'm not sure how he does it, but he is very busy completing a couple decks.  His chemo side effects have been minimal.

Right now, he's got cellulitis at the site of his last IV which was last week when he was in the hospital from Sunday - Wednesday (9-5 to 9-8).  We ask that you pray that the oral antibiotic will heal it and further intervention won't be necessary. 

A "kidnapping".

Today I decided to "kidnap" my family.  I told them we were leaving at 4:00 p.m. and that we needed to take ice water to drink later.  Our final destination would be somewhere we have never been to as a family.  After traveling in a round-about way - about 10 miles out of the way to get them confused - we ended up at Coldstone Creamery for an indulgent snack of deliciously rich ice cream.  Everyone enjoyed their specially made dish and we enjoyed ice cold water in the van later.  Rich, rich, rich!  When all you ever eat is low fat, low sugar ice cream, the real stuff is almost TOO much.

Why Nanny the Mom?

Jess is an avid movie girl and one of her favorites is Eloise.  Eloise has a nanny.  She gets very excited about the fact that she has a nanny, too!  She always points to me and says "You, Nanny!"  "Eloise, Nanny.  Jessie, Nanny!" Thus, I'm Nanny the Mom.

Why a blog?

I have kept a diary for as long as I can remember.  They probably go back as far as elementary school.  I currently do photo diaries, scrapbook, save momentos in a yearly book and keep my calendar current with things we've done.  Oh, I also have a Christmas Memories book that I've filled out each year for the past 27 married Christmases.  We read it each year.  It's fun to see what we ate each year and who we visited and who visited us. 

Ever since Jessie was born I've wanted to "tell her story", but didn't know how to go about it.  Last year I watched "Julie and Julia" 5 times (can you tell I loved it) and was determined to blog about Jess.  Time got away from me and no blog.  I did join Facebook, though, so that was a step up in communicating with others. 

This year has been the worst year my family has experienced.  We've all had serious medical issues but the one that has become the most difficult is discovering that Bill has (stage IV) pancreatic cancer.  Many of you have e-mailed, facebooked, sent cards, called, visited and made meals.  I've tried my best to keep everyone updated on Bill's progress but I haven't had alot of extra time.

Thus, this blog!  I figured I could blog at least a couple times a week and let everyone know about Bill, as well as what our family is doing.  I've followed other's blogs and really enjoyed them.  I hope you will enjoy keeping up with The Sutton's!