Magazines

Jessie LOVES magazines.  She goes through each page and circles certain things and crosses out others.  I don't know what it means, but she really enjoys this.  Especially baby magazines.  If anyone that is reading this has magazines that they just throw away, let me know and I would love to take them off your hands.  I have her a couple subscriptions, but they only come every other month. 

Bill has not slept well the past couple nights, and he's not been feeling well either.  He said he's giving his birdhouse a chance to rest for a day or so.  We're hoping for a better tomorrow.

My New Project, So To Speak

Today I began on my mom's stuff that has accumulated in our bedroom.  With the addition of Bill's hospital bed, things had to be rearranged.  That wouldn't be a problem because we have a large bedroom, but with all the boxes that have to be gone through, it is a mess.  This will take me quite awhile, but I have a mission!  It WILL get done THIS YEAR!  Of course, most of the stuff is just being reboxed and sent to the basement for another year.

My friend, Rox, was helping me but had to leave on an unexpected trip up north.  Her aunt (her mom's sister) had a massive stroke this morning and was being taken off life support.  Please pray for Rox and her family.  Rox's mom passed away a week before my mom, and this aunt is the last of this family's older generation.  She was very close to her. 

Bill is BORED.  He's gotten into a routine where he works a couple hours in his workshop in the morning then comes in and vegges for the rest of the day.  Looks like I'll have to start a "honey-do" list - and soon!

Visits

Today Bill began his day with a visit from the Hospice Chaplain, Diane.  She is the same Chaplain that we had for my mom.  Just after she left the nurse came for her first official visit.  The other nurse that came last week was the In-take nurse.  Bill then worked on his birdhouse before he came in and had "lunch" and vegged on the couch the rest of the day. 

Jess and I went to Wendy's for lunch, 2 Salvation Army stores and a Dollar Store.  We visited Grandma and Grandpa B then to the post office before we came home.  Jess went out with Jane and Rachel for dinner at Pizza Hut then to the Shelby Library tonight.  She had a great "Big Girls Day Out". 

Jon went out to breakfast, a couple stores, went shooting and watched tv.  I tried to get paperwork done but that didn't happen.  I did do some Cyber Monday ordering on the internet tonight.  I had forgotten to have pictures processed since August.  Good thing.  Snapfish had a 1cent sale.  One hundred fifty-one pictures = $1.51.  Wonderful!  Too bad the postage was over $8.00. 

A Post I Want To Write But Can't

Something really funny happened this morning but my boys won't let me put it into print.  Jon said I'd just be a big embarassment.  So, if you remember when you see me, ask me what was so funny and I will personally tell you. (It has to do with the music from the Sugar Plum Fairies.)  Boy, they sure know how to spoil a girl's fun.

Bill rested the entire day.  Spent extra time in bed, in the chair listening to Christmas music and on the couch watching a football game.  He's been very fatigued and not feeling so well.  Bill, Chris, JoAnne and I went to church tonight for the Christmas Hymn sing with special quartet trumpet players, two being good friends of ours.  It was a nice evening. 

Boy, I sure want to tell you about this morning - oh, well. 

A Better Night's Sleep

Thanks to the hospital bed, Bill had a better night's sleep since he could elevate his head and be alot more comfortable than in a chair.  Today he spent a couple hours in his workshop and put siding on the birdhouse, then spent the rest of the afternoon watching football games and resting. 

Jane and Rachel came and took Jessie out for several hours and tired her out.  They went to Westview Orchards and Jess got to pet the animals, climb in the tunnel and play on the swings.  She had cider and donuts for snack and also went to McDonald's for lunch.  Thanks, Jane and Rachel, for giving Jess such a nice day out. 

I went to the post office, bank, Home Depot and Meijer's.  I also went to the Garden Grille for a nice, quiet, sit down lunch.  My friend, Heather, the head waitress, took care of me.  She patted my shoulder and said, "Just relax".  I did.  It was a nice lunch break.  I made a grocery list for Meijer's then read some of a book I have on my iPhone.  Thanks, Heather, for watching out for me. 

A Very Trying Day

It began well, but that's about it.  I went with Jess and Shannon to breakfast and after we got home I straightened up because we were expecting the Hospice In-take Nurse to come. Her visit lasted almost 3 hours and during that time the phone rang with important calls, we had company, and she ordered a hospital bed to see if that would help with his sleeping, since he can't sleep in a bed.  The recliner that's been his bed isn't the most comfortable! Not only did she order it, but it was delivered before she left, which meant that while she was here and we had company, I had to go and make room for it.

That just about put me over the edge because, although we do have a very large room, it's almost filled to capacity with my mom's boxes I brought home and haven't gone through yet.  Not to mention the fall stuff that needed to be put in the fall closet and some of the Christmas boxes are still out of that closet. 

Diane and Randie were expected for dinner at 3:00, and needless to say, I had nothing started.  They not only brought the turkey, they had to make everything I was supposed to make.  Oh, yes, that's the same time as the bed is being delivered, the nurse is still here and so is our company!

Finally we were enjoying a nice, quiet turkey dinner.  Thanks, Di and Randie!  However, after dinner and I was clearing the table, for some reason I began choking and coughing, which sent Jess right into a major panic attack.  She was terrified because I was choking.  It took awhile to calm her down, poor thing.  That sure didn't help my day.

Diane and Randie helped me take some of Mom's boxes to the basement, and I'll work on it again tomorrow.  Right now, I am numb.  Bill's very tired tonight and doesn't feel well.  Please pray that tomorrow will be better for us, would you please?  I would appreciate it.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

I hope that everyone had a wonderful, restful and thankful Thanksgiving.  No matter where life finds us, there is ALWAYS much to be grateful for.  God has blessed us richly.  We love you all!

And When She's Bad, She's Very Bad

I know these pictures don't go along with the title, but I'll get to that in a minute.

I thought you'd like to see the birdhouse Bill is working on in his workshop.  He's been able to spend a couple hours each day working on it.  It's coming along nicely. 

I spent today doing wash and collecting all the harvest decorations, putting them upstairs on our bed.  I just finished putting them away, because if I hadn't, I would have had to find another place to sleep.

The tree is completed, thanks to Shannon.  Jess and Shannon made our special pumpkin ice cream pie for dessert tomorrow and I baked a pumpkin pie.  It will just be Jess, Grandma and me for dinner.  Jon has to work and, of course, Bill is unable to eat food.  We're going to have chicken leg quarters instead of turkey - too much work for just 3 people. 

OK, back to the title.  I'm sure you can tell who the title is referring to.  Yup, Jess!  She was absolutely horrid today.  Yelling, screaming, defiant, repititious repeating words, etc., etc., etc.  Nothing Shannon or I did made a difference.  I had it and I'm sure Shannon did, too.  I sure hope and pray that tomorrow will be MUCH better. 

Yesterday and Today

Last night I was just too tired physically and emotionally to blog.  I worked too hard and my body was telling me I had better slow down.  My brain was mush and I just went to bed early.  Bill didn't have a very good day, either. 

Today Mom S had a cardiologist appointment and Bill felt well enough to go along.  We were gone for several hours and it totally wiped him out.  Shannon, Jessie and I began putting ornaments on our tree.  It's almost done and we'll finish tomorrow - hopefully.  You'll know if I post pictures.

If you don't have kids in your house and you need someone there to remind you that Christmas will soon be here, just let me know and I'll bring Jess over.  At least 30 times a day she 's hollering that Santa's coming and she gets "10 presents" in the morning!  I'm not sure I'll be able to handle the 30+ days until she gets her 10 presents.  Yesterday she pointed to my harvest decorations and said, "Halloween done!  Santa comin!" 

I Should Have Been Decorating, But ...

instead I rested and took a nap.  Maybe I'll tackle the Christmas closet tomorrow.

Bill felt well enough to go to church today.  He went to the 9:45 service and after he got home he watched Jess and I made the 11:30 service.  When I got home, though, I was surprised to see him so sick.  He was wrapped up in his electric throw and having chills and shakes.   I had him put on flannel clothes, wrapped him up in several blankets, put a hat on him and prayed.  Shortly after his shaking ceased and he slept for a couple hours.  He's feeling much better now except for his big toe!  He said it hurts.  I don't think a big toe ache counts - sorry, Bill. 

Jon worked and Jess occupied her time with the iPad, tv, videos, apples to apples, bingo and "ten foods" (her grocery list for the week in the grocery adds).  Actually, she's now circling items she wants for Christmas in all the extra store flyers that fill the newspapers.  When you think of it, pray for my friend, Julie, who delivers these extra flyers.  This up-coming week is the worst of the entire year for her delivery job.   

Applesauce

Rox, Chris and I worked for over 4 hours turning 5 bushels of apples into 60 cups of applesauce, 4 pies and 9 cups of cut up apples to freeze for future pies.  We all needed tylenol before we were done!  Had a great time, though!

Jon worked, Shannon and Jessie hung out and Bill worked in his workshop for a couple hours then vegged on the couch for the rest of the day.  He was very fatigued this evening. 

A Decision Has Been Made

I would like to share with you what Bill put on his Facebook page just a few minutes ago:

The results of my last CT scan were not good. The cancer has progressed in all areas. I was given the option to try another 3 different (and very nasty = 2 were specificially cardiac toxic and 1 causes nerve naraphothy) chemo threatments. I have chosen quality of life verses quantity of life. I will not have anymore chemo treatments. I have asked that Hospice be put in place, so that when I need it, it will be available with only a phone call.

I ask that you continue to pray. We have a mighty God who chooses when we are born and when we die. I ask that you pray that I (and my family) would remain faithful and strong during the days ahead. I would ask that we would have many more days of laughter and fun with friends and family. Thank you so much for your continued support.

 

 

How are we doing?  Good.  We've known that this day would come when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer 17 months ago.  We will just continue to do what we've been doing since then ... living one day at a time, and enjoying life as much as possible.  Bill, Jon and I had a fun couple hours out this morning.  We went to the indoor range and watched Jon shoot, then went out to lunch.  When we got home, Bill spent the rest of the afternoon in his shed working on his birdhouse. 

 

So, as you can see, we are not going to do anything different.  We openly talk about death and heaven.  We laugh and cry together.  We are blessed to have each other.  We are blessed to have so many friends and family that care and will continue to pray for us.   

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow - Or Not

It was official here in Washington.  Snow fell to the ground and in just a short span of time almost covered the ground.  Granted it's gone, but it still happend.  Earlier today there were flurries while we were putting up our new, smaller tree (pre lit!!!!!!!!).  It's such a beautiful tree.  It has white flocking and pine cones on it.  Almost needs no ornaments.  Notice that I said the tree was up.  I said nothing about being decorated.  That'll take days. 

Yesterday Bill took me out to breakfast, today Jon treated me to breakfast, with Bill coming along for company.  That was sooo nice.  I have the greatest husband and son.  I'm glad they like me!

Decorating

The Christmas decorations have begun to go up.  Bill and Ruth gave us a pre-lit tree and we put it out on our deck.  Bought some sparkly garland and bulbs.  Looks great.  Official lighting date:  Thanksgiving.
I made an outdoor wreath years ago and the bulbs were faded and it was oh, so dusty.  Bill blew it off with his air compressor, I tore off the old ornaments and remade it.  Looks nice, if I do say so myself.  It's on the front porch.  Friday our new tree goes up in the family room.

My wonderful husband took me out to breakfast, then we went to Home Depot for a few odds and ends that we needed.  Post Office.  Washed clothes, sat outside on the deck and the swing for a bit.  That was REALLY nice.  The last 2 days have been good for Jess.  Jon worked.  Bill didn't feel real well today, and especially tonight.  That's about it!

At The Crossroads

Our visit to the cancer doctor didn't turn out like we had expected.  Knowing that the cancer has progressed, we were expecting the doctor to say that there wasn't anything else that could be done.  Instead, he encouraged a different round of 3 types of chemo.  Three nasty ones again. 

At this time, I believe that Bill will decide in the next 3 weeks (chemo tentatively scheduled for December 7) whether or not to continue treatment.  It is time to decide on quality of life verses quantity of life.  A difficult decision to be sure.  I think Bill was prepared to just do paliative care (hospice), but when the doctor encouraged trying more chemo, it gave him a glimmer of hope in arresting the cancer again. We have 3 weeks to decide.  We'd appreciate your prayers as Bill decides what he wants to do.  Only he knows how he feels after chemotheraphy.  Only he can make this decision.  Please pray that he will make a decisionn and have peace about which way to go.

Thanks!

Jessie's Other Grandma

Today was just another Monday, I guess.  We did alot of what we usually do.  Girl's day out, wash, paperwork and phone calls. 

When Jess and I were out we stopped by "Aunt" Lois' parent's house and visited for a few minutes.  Jess LOVES Grandma B.  She gave her more kisses than I get in a week!  

While we were there Jess "reminded" me that "Lois, Haiti, Children, Jesus."  Translation:  Aunt Lois is in Haiti teaching children about Jesus. 

Have a good night!

A Direct Quote I Want To Share With You

Don't Waste Your Cancer

by John Piper

Chapter 6

"We waste our cancer if we think

that "beating" cancer means

staying alive rather than

cherishing Christ."

"Satan's and God's designs in our cancer are not the same.  Satan designs to destroy our love for Christ.  God designs to deepen our love for Christ.  Cancer does not win if we die.  It wins if we fail to cherish Christ.  God's design is to wean us off the breast of the world and feast us on the sufficiency of Christ.  It is meant to help us say and feel, "I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my LORD" (Philippians 3:8) and to know that therefore, "to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21)."

May we be faithful in our efforts

to know Christ in a deeper way

than ever before.

Please pray with us to this end.

Praise His Holy Name!



A Special Day Out

Bill, Jon and I met Diane and Randie at the MCPA for the Michigan/Ohio Concert Choir's Christmas concert.  I was concerned that Bill wouldn't be able to go, or if he did, would have to keep getting up to use the restroom, but he didn't have to!  Thanks, Jesus! It was a very nice concert, and it was great to see our friends, Rob and Angie, be part of the concert. 

Went to Abuelos for dinner.  Bill is such a trooper.  While we sat there and gorged ourselves on chips and dinner, he sat and watched us.  Thank you, Bill, for going and being a part of our special day out, even though you couldn't eat anything. 

Jess spent the day with Jane and Rachel and they did alot. She's very tired, and I'm on my way upstairs to put her to bed.  A very nice special day out. 

CT Results

Well, the results of the CT scan were not what we had hoped for.  It appears that many lymph nodes are considerably larger, the distal esophogus opening is thicker (probably the tumor), and a worsening of the liver is noticably.  It seems that the last 3 rounds of chemo has not touched the cancer and it has progressed considerably. 

The doctor gave Bill a prescription for an antibiotic that is supposed to relax the esophogus so that at least the saliva would go through.  Unfortunately, it is no longer made!  You would think the doctor would know that.  We're waiting for a substitute to be chosen. 

Tuesday we have an appointment with the cancer doctor.  Please pray with us, and especially for Bill, as he has decisions to make regarding his treatment. 

Too Tired

Right now I am very tired.  Too tired to think, let alone type. 

Tomorrow we have a family funeral at 11:00 a.m. then a 3:15 p.m. doctor appointment to get last week's CT results.  I'll let you know tomorrow night the results.  We appreciated your continued prayers.

New Balance Shoes

I know that I mentioned earlier about the severe pain I've had from 4 heel spurs on my right foot.  I want to let you know that 98% of the pain is gone!  I did not wear the space boot the doctor wanted me to wear.  I did not go to Physical Therapy.  I even cancelled my next appointment.

Instead, I went to a New Balance store and found that they had a line of clogs and sandals that give great heel and arch support. They are called Aravon and are engineered by New Balance. They were more than I wanted to spend (about $110.00), but I bought them and have worn them exclusively.  I am very pleased with my lack of foot pain. 

Bill worked out in his workshop, Jon went to a couple stores after we enjoyed breakfast out together.  Jess on the other hand ... not such a good day.  I sure hope tomorrow is better for her.   

Not Much To Report

Just another day.  Took Mom S. to the lung specialist today and she got a "clean bill of health", so to speak.  She's doing very well and only needs to be on the coumidin for 6 months. 

I did everal loads of wash, paperwork and I snuck outside to see Bill in his workshop and check on the progress of his birdhouse.  Jon was out most of the day.  Jess.  Well, let's just say that she was very challenging today.  Lots of defiance.  Bill has been very fatigued lately which has him emotionally drained, and throwing up every day numerous times (saliva) is not fun.  Challenging times for him, too. 

FREE

I had a very busy day.  It began with a long social worker meeting then I put in a load of wash.  Jess and I went to the post office, Wendy's for lunch, visited Chris at her work, Salvation Army to drop off items, picked up a bushel of apples and visited Rox for a few minutes.  When I was driving north on VanDyke the Kroger's at 31 Mile Road had gas for $3.15.  I decided that on my way back down I would stop and get it for that good price. When I drove back about an hour or so later, it was $3.55 !!!!!  It went up 40 cents!!!!!  Next time I'll turn around and stop first.

It was such a nice day that I told Bill I'd blow leaves again.  I can't pick them up, but I can blow them into a pile.  So I have about 3 large piles, waiting to be picked up.  I decided to put a sign on the pile in the front that says, "FREE".  I figured that if people who live in a treeless subdivision miss the fun of raking and picking up leaves, I'd help them.  FREE leaves.  First come - first served.  Such a deal.  No takers yet.  Bummer.



An Extra Girls Day Out

Jon worked and Bill went to church.  Jess and I had our special Sunday breakfast and prayer time.  At noon we left to have lunch with Denise and Caity.  It's been several months since we've been together and we had a very nice time. 

Several things happened today that weren't in the "plan".    I was going to go north on VanDyke to the expressway but there was a bad accident blocking the road at 27 Mile.  Turned around and went to 23 Mile to get on the expressway, making us late.  We were going to meet at Anton's at 16 Mile and Dequindre but Denise called and said they were closed with a Lease sign in the window!  We finally met at The Country Inn.  I used the bathroom and while in there the double toilet paper cover fell off and hit me in the shoulder, just missing my head.  When I went to use the soap, that cover fell off! 

When we left we went to 16 Mile Road and headed to the New Balance store at Rochester Road.  Bad move.  Traffic was backed up for at least a mile as 3 lanes were down to 1 for construction.  Jessie announced while in that jam that she had to go to the bathroom.  Stopped at McDonald's at 16 Mile and Rochester before going to the shoe store - THAT WAS CLOSED!  By that time, all I wanted to do was go home!

What Do I Need To Do Different?

Every Saturday morning the psychologist comes and talks to me about Jessie and how to help her in various situations.  Each time we've met I've taken alot of notes and there has been some positive little changes and it's been encouraging.  Today's visit I took no notes and cried most of the time.  Shannon sat in on some of the discussion and gave very helpful insight. 

I've always known that there had to be something that I have been doing wrong, but it still was very hard for me to hear that some of her behavior is due to my "making" her be more dependent on me.  I am grateful for the insight, but there is alot to process.  I spent most of the day by "myself" and asking God to help me figure out what I need to change.  I know that I am a very good mother.  Just maybe too good for Jessie's development.  Please pray with me.

Bill had a good morning and worked about 3 hours in his workshop, but then was done for the day.  He was very, very tired and spent alot of time watching football the rest of the day.  Jon worked and Jess went to the show with Shannon and saw "Puss 'n Boots" after doing academics.

A Day Out With Jon

Bill felt SO MUCH BETTER that I could go out with Jon as planned.  He had an appointment in Mt. Clemens at 2:00 p.m. and before then we breezed through a couple stores and went to Red Lobster for lunch (thanks, Jon, for treating!).  I sure have a wonderful son.  He's fun to be with and great company! Bill worked in his workshop and Jess had breakfast out with Shannon. A very nice day. 

An Unexpected Reaction

We were right on time for Bill's CT scan at 9:30 a.m. and after just a few minute's wait, they handed him the 2 glasses of contrast.  We were very concerned and wondering how he was going to drink them since he's not had anything to drink other than sips of water with his daily pills in over 2 months.  He did drink about 3/4 of the contrast, but he also throw up a couple times. 

Unfortunately, right after he drank the contrast he began shaking and having the chills.  I wrapped him up in a warm blanket and he shook for the hour he had to wait for the CT Scan.  He made it through that, and we left the area, but he was shaking so much that I made him sit down in a chair in the main entrance and got a couple volunteers to get warm blankets for him.  I also got him some coffee to see if he could sip that.  We sat there for about 40 minutes before he felt he could leave. 

He's been on the couch all day sleeping.  He said he feels terrible - just like a chemo day.  This is very unusual for a CT scan.  Please pray that he feels MUCH better in the morning.  It's been a discouraging day for him. 

A Wonderful Fall Day

It was such a beautiful day.  I began my day with breakfast with my friend, Mary.  It was nice getting caught up on our families.  Bill and I went to Home Depot when I got home and we bought a plastic heavy-duty shelving unit for the basement so I can put PAPERWORK in the basement that has to be kept for several years.  I need them OUT of our bedroom.  We also bought a new Christmas tree.  We decided to downsize our tree and they had the perfect one.  I am looking forward to putting it up in a couple weeks.  Anyone who wants a very nice, large tree (no lights), let me know - it's yours.

I spent a couple hours outside working in the back yard and deck, putting things away for the winter.  I also blew leaves into piles and my friend, Dorene, picked them up and put them in bags.  The back yard is almost done.  Unfortunately, my left hip is giving me lots of pain, and I had to leave the rest for her to do.  Sometimes I feel so useless.  It's either my heel, knee and now my hip.  I'm a mess.

Bill had a pretty good day and did a little outside, too.  Not much.  We go to the hospital tomorrow for his CT scan.  Please pray that he will be able to swallow the contrast and keep it down long enough to take the necessary pictures.

Swing Time

Bill and I did some "running around" this morning then he went out to his workshop and continued cleaning and reorganizing.  A friend of mine came over in the afternoon and we went outside under the playhouse and sat in the 2-seater swing.  It was sunshiny but blustery.  We both had on coats, she wore her gloves and we wrapped up in blankets.  That was really nice.  Very refreshing.  Jon worked and Jess and Shannon went to the Library.

I asked Bill a few minutes ago how he felt on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being great.  His reply was "8".  We'll take it.  He has another CT scan on Thursday, which should tell us whether or not his problem in swallowing is a tumor or ???