An Anniversary

One year ago today my Mom went to Heaven.  I just don't know where the time has gone.  I wonder what Bill and Mom are doing?  I put this statement on facebook this morning and my friend said, "I Can Only Imagine" but I'm sure it's something wonderful!  How true.  For those of you that don't know, "I Can Only Imagine" is a song that talks about what we'll do when we get there and see Jesus.  With our human minds I'm sure we fall short of even coming close to how it will be. 

I haven't felt well for almost a week.  I went to the doctor's on Wednesday and it was undiagnosed.  However, as the days go on and the pain more severe, I'm thinking it's a kidney stone.  I would appreciate prayers that this little sucker would pass SOON!  Thanks. 

A Day At The Dining Room Table

I've spent the entire day at the dining room table.  Not eating, thank goodness.  Doing "Thank You" cards.  My goal is to have them all done by Sunday and mailed on Monday.  I've reached the hundred mark already.  Still pressing on.  Took a couple hour nap this afternoon.  Still feel crummy.  I'm leaning toward a kidney stone.  We'll see.

Jess had an awesome morning out with Debbie.  She was so excited when she got home.  They had gone to the Library after breakfast and she bought a video and got a magazine.  They also went back to Meijer's and she got herself a fuzzy duckling.  She's had a great day.

Jon worked and is now on his way home and looking forward to a couple days off. 

Shopping Day

Debbie and Jessie had a good morning of shopping at Meijer's.  They said that there were alot of kids and church people and they visited quite a few.  When they got home I went to the doctor's because I haven't been feeling well.  Jon worked today. 

Bill passed away 3 weeks ago today.  I'm really missing him.  I was going to go to the cemetery this afternoon but decided not to.  Not a good day for that.   

A Profitable Day

Jon and I left at 9:45 a.m. and didn't return until after 3:00 p.m.  We had many necessary stops, all along the Hall Road area.  By the time we got home we both went to our bedrooms and rested.  I was, and still am, pooped.  However, I got alot checked off my to-do list.

I'm also thankful for the many phone calls I've been receiving from friends and relatives checking up on me and the kids.  This means alot.  Thank you!

Jess had a good day with Debbie,.  It was baking day and they worked on cupcakes.  Jess "ate" 2 at dinner - at least the tops with frosting and tried to go for more to just eat the frosting.  That didn't happen; however, before she was finished I looked and her face was filled with chocolate frosting.  I should have taken a picture! 

Prayer Request for Grandma

Please pray for Grandma.  She's doing well in her new home, but her sister, Wilma, passed away last night.  Please pray for her during this time.  In less than 3 weeks she has lost her son, a sister and moved.  Alot for anyone, but for one that is 98, I'm sure it must be harder.  The picture is of Mom Sutton and her 3 sisters in 2009.  Wilma is at the end of the table in the deep pink outfit. 

I had lunch with three friends, Kathy, Kathy and Kathy.  It was such a nice time out.  We went to the Apple Orchard and I've not been there in many, many years. From there I visited several people and returned their empty dishes from meals that they had prepared for us.  I was super tired when I got home, but enjoyed my afternoon out.

A Pick Me Up From Mom

As you read last Saturday on my blog, I was down.  Spent the entire day feeling down.  When I went upstairs for the night, I decided to finally go through a couple boxes of my mom's cards and letters she saved (FOR HER ENTIRE LIFETIME!!!!).  You would think that doing this would have made me more down, but instead, it was great therapy!  I read many cards and letters from people to my mom, but also from us to her.  There were several Christmas letters I had written and sent about 20 years ago.  It brought back wonderful memories of my life with Bill.  How sweet it was to remember.  How uplifting.

Jess and I had our Girls Day Out lunch at Bellacino's, which we do most every Monday.  It is such a great place to eat and the people are super friendly.  You need to try it sometime.  Jess and I also visited Grandma and Grandpa B.  We enjoyed our visit and we even got a homemade chocolate chip cookie!

Sunday Doings

Jess and I had an exceptionally nice morning.  We ate our breakfast together, watched John Hagee, listened to and sang along with Michael W. Smith, read a Bible story then prayed.  It was really nice to have Church on TV morning together.

Later in the afternoon Kylee, Lynzee and Julie came and the girls worked around the house doing things I can't to.  We got all the snowmen ornaments and stray Christmas ones put away.  The entire deck furniture has been washed and cushions put on (just in time for cold weather).  It all looks great, and I am so thankful for such good help.

JoAnne, Diane and Randie also stopped in for a short while.  It was nice to have a full house again.  I'm not used to such quiet as it has been.  The picture is my magnolia bush in the backyard.  It has even more flowers on it today since this was taken a couple days ago.  It's supposed to freeze tonight.  Wonder how it will fare?

Saturday Activities

I wasn't sure I wanted to get out of bed this morning since it was so dark and dreary.  I spent the rest of the day feeling like that - dreary.  I had a nice, prosperous day, but just felt down.  Jane and Rachel came and spent the day with Jess.  They went to the Library then went out to lunch.  I had lunch with my friend, Dorene, then we went to Home Depot, where she knew more people there than Bill did!

Jane, Rachel, Jess and I went to Romeo's K-Mart to see what was left since the store is closing in about another month.  I bought 2 pens (wow!) and an 8 ft., 12 cubical shelving unit for $75.00.  It is the kind that displayed blue jeans and weighs a ton.  Thanks to Bob and Dorene it is now in the garage, awaiting placement in the "new" laundry/crafts room. 

Jessie's Busy Day

She began her day on the iPad, as she usually does.  When Debbie got here they went to breakfast, a meeting then grocery shopping at Meijer's.  She spent alot of time outside and did odds and ends in the house.  At dinner tonight, she leaned her head back, closed her eyes, and I thought she'd fall asleep, but the smell of chicken won over and she finished her meal. 

I had a couple appointments, did several loads of wash and even got in a half-hour nap.  Jon went with me to one of my appointments then went to the show.  In all, I guess it was a pretty good day.  I have to get Jess to bed now before she falls asleep on the couch. 

You Can Sleep Anywhere

Well, at least Jessie can. The other night she was watching tv and fell asleep.  Today she was swingin' and singin' in her hammock,  put down her music and took a nap!  If we could all do that, I'm sure we'd all feel a bit better. At least I would.

I went to a Ladies' Bible Study today.  The same one I had been going to for a year or so, about a year or so ago.  I've really missed it and enjoyed being back listening to Beth Moore's topic "I AM". 

I ate dinner by myself tonight.  That wasn't a nice feeling.  For ever we've eaten dinner as a family.  At one time there were (sometimes with my mom) 6 of us.  Then only 5.  Six months ago when Bill stopped eating there were only 4 of us at the dinner table.  Now that Grandma is gone there are just the 3 of us and if Jon is out or at work, it's just Jess and me.  Tonight she wanted to eat upstairs and I ate alone.  I'll have to eat somewhere different, as eating alone at a table for 8 is just too much.   



Income Tax - Done!

What a great feeling it was walking out the door of our tax office and having it all behind me.  No more income tax preparation paperwork!  Well, at least for a year.  Jon went with me and we celebrated by going to Olive Garden for lunch, since he had been given a gift card for Christmas.  That was nice.  Especially for me.

Jessie had a great day.  For baking day they made a cherry cheesecake then made Grandma a card.  After alot of time outdoors they played Apples to Apples and just had a good day.  We'll take it. 

Catching Up

Not only have I crammed in a year's worth of income tax preparation today, but I was also able to go to lunch with a long-time friend, Nancy.  I think we've known one another for about 30 years or more.  We had a very nice lunch and have put a date on the calendar for another get-together next month.  That's what I plan on doing.  Putting "dates" on the calendar with friends rather than just saying, "Let's get together sometime!"  I guess I'm free to do that now.  It feels strange not to have to consider anyone else in my plans, as long as Jess is cared for. 

Speaking of Jess ... we had our hair cut tonight.  We were both way overdue.  Like always, when we're together, she talks non-stop.  And I do mean non-stop.  Alot of people don't know that she can actually talk.  They need to come over and go out with us for a short trip.  I guarantee you'll be wearing ear plugs the next time you visit!

Yesterday's P.S.

As I was listening to Michael W. Smith's "Hallelujah" this morning it reminded me of how happy Jessie was yesterday when Debbie and I were dragging the large box through the store that held the transport chair for her.  She loudly said many times: "Thank you, Jesus!  Hallelujah!"   She was so excited to have a wheelchair again, and she knew who to thank for it.  May we all be reminded Who blesses us each day and gives us the desires of our heart. 

A Very Good Day

I'm not quite sure what makes one day a bad day and another a good day, but today was a very good day for me.  I finally felt like my brain was capable of doing paperwork and banking, so I spent the morning doing paperwork.   Jess, Debbie and I had lunch out, and we bought Jess a transport chair. Whenever we go to large places like malls or large stores like Art Van, we need to put her in a wheelchair, otherwise it is too overwhelming for her and she runs from here to there and works herself up into a panic attack.  I bought it from Walgreen's and I really like it.  It's perfect!  The price was good, too. 

Thanks Diane, Randie and Jon!

Diane and Randie came over and wrote out all the thank you cards for me, along with Jon's help.  I did write our about 12, but then made dinner.  What a special gift that was.  Both Di and Randie have done so much for me in the past month.  There is no way that I'd be able to repay them, but I'm asking God to bless them for their faithfulness to Bill. 

Randie's birthday was in February and Di's was the day after Bill's funeral.  We had a little celebration for them with pie and ice cream.  Alot different than years gone by, so I guess we better find a different way to celebrate birthday's. 

Jessie needed to cry today so I sat on the couch and cried with her.  After our tears were dried up I reminded her how happy Daddy, Grandma, Uncle Ed, Uncle Larry and Jake are.  She also needed some Mom time so I sat with her on the couch for over 3 hours and watched a home video 3 times.  Bill's absence was very profound today. 

Family Date Day

The kids and I went out for a family date day.  We went to several places and had lunch at Wendy's.  One of our stops was to Art Van where we bought a few items to replace some furniture that will no longer be here.  In all we had a great day but I noticed that Jon was very quiet.  Sad, he said.  Me, too.  Our first family date day without Bill.  I'm sure these days will get easier.  Maybe it was too soon, but I don't think so.  Bill wouldn't want us cooped up in the house.  He loved family date days, so we will continue them.  They just might be a little subdued for awhile. 

The picture is from our Midland Vacation in September of 2010.  We have been so blessed to enjoy each other's company and have fun together.  May we continue to do so!

Oh, Jess!

Debbie wasn't able to work today because her son was sick so Jon and I took Jess to breakfast.  From there we went to Home Depot for a few things we need for our bathroom.  Jessie was content to play on her iPad all afternoon and watch DVD's.  After doing a couple loads of wash, I took a 3-hour nap.  I sleep all night and take long naps in the afternoon.  I hope this ends soon.  I'm tired of being tired.  Since Jon only slept 2 hours last night, he, too, took a nap.  Only his was about a half-hour long.  He's exhausted.

Very unusual - Jess had diahrrea tonight and she's had massive amounts of gas.   Now, I know that's not good to announce to the world, but you'll find out why I mentioned that in a minute.  When Jon went to bed about an hour ago, I went upstairs to get my room ready for the night.  I began cleaning up our tv area only to discover that Jess had gotten into my fiber bars and ate 3 of them plus 3 bottles of water !!!!!!!!!!!!!  She definitely will sleep in her room tonight!  I keep my fiber bars and biscotti under lock and key in my bedroom because if food is in sight and we aren't monitoring her, she'll eat, eat, and eat.  I didn't get around to putting them away. A lesson learned. 

Wandering

I've spent most of my day wandering from room to room.  I've done some wash, rearranging a pantry, tried to do paperwork and make important phone calls, took a nap, but really only managed to wander.  I was very quiet.  Not much to say.  It was one week ago today that Bill left and went to Heaven.  It brought back memories of his last moments.  Jon, likewise, had a difficult day.  He had to work, but it wasn't easy.

This morning while I was trying to get moving, Jess was watching a movie I had never seen.  Unfortunately, a grandpa was dying and Jess kept saying:  "Daddy, back, please!"  It broke my heart.  She's grieving in her own silent way.   

Feeling Lost

For the past month Bill has needed 24/7 care.  I had spent most of my time upstairs in the bedroom with him.  Tomorrow will be one week since he passed away.  Beginning yesterday I didn't have to get up for anything.  My calendar is empty.  Bill doesn't need care.  I find myself looking off into the distance, not really seeing.  There is no time line and no one needs to be cared for, except Jess and she just needs monitoring.  I feel lost.  I know I need rest and I have taken naps, but this is the first time in many, many years that I have not been a care giver.  Adjustments certainly need to be made.  I need to find my "new norm".

This morning Jessie said she wanted to go to Heaven, too.  I explained to her that we will go one day and be with Daddy again, but it wasn't the right time.  Debbie had her outside quite a bit and she really enjoyed that.  I was tempted to put the porch in order for the summer, but you just never know.  I recall several April snowstorms.  So, I just left it. 

New Living Arrangements

Today Grandma Sutton left with her daughter, Ruth, to go live with her in Johannesburg.  I would ask that you pray that Grandma would enjoy her new home and for her adjustment to a new area.  Also for us as we deal with another loss.

Many people have asked how Jessie is doing.  Actually, she is doing GREAT!  We have been preparing her for months about her Daddy going to Heaven, so she knew that he would be leaving soon.  As you know, we have been having bizarre behavior from her over the past year.  I have seen a huge difference in her since Bill died.  I believe that the stress of seeing her Daddy so sick and then dying had a profound effect on her and she reacted the only way she knew how - with bad behavior.  She is back to laughing and really enjoying her days again.  Not to say that she isn't sad and she asks about Daddy often during the day, but she is doing super. 

I have also been asked if I will continue by blog.  Absolutely.  I will still try to blog each night, but if I don't, don't panic.  I'm sure all will be well.  Love to you all!

Celebrating Bill's Life

In Celebration of the Life

of

William Sutton

Monday, March 12, 2012

Prelude Music

Processional with Casket to the Front

Song w/pictures - "Did I Make A Difference?"

Greetings and Prayer - Pastor Garry

Special Music - "Press On" - Laurel

Scripture and Prayer - Pastor Mick

Memorial Tributes of Bill Sutton

Pastor Garry

Barry

Special Music - "My Redeemer Lives" - Laurel

accompanied by Jay

Message - Pastor Garry

Closing Prayer of Comfort

Song - "Save A Place For Me"

Postlude Music

What an awesome service we had for Bill.  He would have LOVED it!  There were over 160 people who attended the service and blessed us with their presence.  I know that Bill was watching and was humbled by the wonderful tribute to him, my husband, my man of God.  Later on I will be able to listed to the service again, as they made audio CD's available of the service. 

After the service we watched as they took Bill's body to the cemetery to be buried.  The luncheon was delicious and around 2:00 family members and a few who wanted to attend, met at the cemetery for the committal service.  That, too, was special.  Everyone gathered before Pastor Garry arrived, so we stood around Bill's grave in a circle and shared memories of Bill.  They were precious and we even ended up laughing.  I told everyone that Bill would have loved it because he LOVED to laugh.

I knew that today was going to be the hardest day and I did cry, but it also was a very joyful time.  I was so uplifted from the service that it was hard not to be happy.  Life I said, it was AWESOME!



A Day Of Memories

Today was the final day of visitation at the funeral home.  Many, many people came and so many memories were given to me about their time with Bill.  It was an incredible day.  We both have been blessed with so many friends over the years.  There just isn't any words to convey how I feel tonight.  Tomorrow we celebrate Bill's life at his homegoing celebration.  I know it will be just as special.

Celebrate Life

Today, tomorrow and Monday we will gather and celebrate the life of my wonderful husband, Bill Sutton.  I am gathering pictures to help celebrate his life and if you have a special time or happening that you want to share with me about Bill's past, please jot it down and give it to me sometime.  After all, we didn't get married until he was 36.  Alot of water passed under that bridge before I came along.  He's had the priviledge of living in the same general area where he grew up and being with friends that he's known a lifetime. 

A New Home In Heaven

William Edward Sutton

Born October 27, 1946

Arrived in Heaven

March 8, 2012

4:50 p.m.

Beloved

Son, Brother

Husband, Father

Brother-in-Law

Cousin and Friend

You will be greatly missed by all!



What Do We Really Know?

What do we really know about birth and death other than both happen in its own timing?  Not much.

We've made it through yet another day and Bill continues to live.  At least he is quiet now and not overly anxious or aggitated.  I continue to trust the Lord that He is in control and not one second before Bill's appointed time to enter Heaven will it happen. Thank you for your continued prayers.  We are doing pretty well, considering all. 

A Little Closer To Heaven

These past several days have been very difficult for us, not to mention what Bill has been going through.  He is now actively dying and just a little closer to Heaven.  We are being sustained by prayer, meals, phone calls and visits.  My sister is staying here again, and Chris has been here two nights after work.  Debbie has been awesome with Jessie.  We covet your continued prayers.

Chicken Pot Pie

Jon had to go out today to the Medical Supply store for some items we needed and I was very tempted to ask him to stop at KFC and buy me a chicken pot pie.  It sounded so good, and just the comfort food I wanted/needed.  However, I decided not to. Tonight Andrea and Bruce brought dinner ... chicken pot pie!  Wow!  Thanks, Lord!  It was just what I needed. 

We had a nurse out last night at 3:00 a.m. because Bill is so congested and was coughing and choking continually.  He most likely has pneumonia now.  He was pretty calm most of the day, but when he speaks, we can't understand what he is saying.  He has no strength to speak or even cough tonight.  I'm on my way to bed.  Didn't get to bed last night til 4:00 a.m. 

Raining On The Roof

Another day is almost over.  Di and Randie picked me up and took me to breakfast, then spent the entire day with us.  Di is so good to Bill.  Everytime he moves she jumps up and gets what he wants/needs.  She's his official water girl and back rubber. 

We tried our best to make Bill comfortable and offer any type of "entertainment" he was up to.  His bed is next to two windows and as he was looking out today he said that he wished that it would rain.  (He enjoys the sound of rain on the roof.)  Since we don't have control over Mother Nature, Di did the next best thing:  he listened to rain falling on a roof on Di's iPad.  He enjoyed that for a very long time. 

Jane and Rachel came and played with Jess for several hours.  She did alot of laughing today.  She's still not up to par, and only wants chicken noodle soup to eat.  Wonder why? 

Little Big Man

Does anyone remember the movie "Little Big Man" with Dustin Hoffman?  I remember nothing of the movie except one scene where the Indian Chief went to his funeral pire and lays down to die.  I think Dustin Hoffman sits beside him until he dies.  Time passes but the next scene is the old Chief opening his eyes, looking around and saying, "I'm still here?"

That's exactly how Bill has felt the past couple days. As his body deteriorates and his consciousness is less, he knows that he's close to crossing over, but each time he opens his eyes I can tell he's thinking, "I'm still here?"  How frustrating it must be for him to not be able to do anything for himself and that he's stuck in a time warp.  And there's nothing anyone can do about it but wait for God's timing.

We all feel like we're stuck.  A day blurs into the next. I can't remember what I did this morning, let alone who called or came yesterday.  Being a person who likes a plan and is (somewhat) a control person, it is hard to "allow" others to come in and clean my house, do my wash and care for Bill as I rest.  How grateful I am, though, for everyone who has had a hand in our care. 

Jon has been great and doing alot of Jessie care, wash and Bill's care.  Being a nurse helps, but when it is your family, your training isn't all that good.  It's a whole different ball game, so to speak.  Please pray for him as he helps care for all of us.

We Made It Through Last Night

Thanks for all your prayers.  I took the night shift (because I'm a late night person and can get up and down numerous times at night and still go back to sleep right away) and Jon is still on day duty.  Jess had a 101 fever this morning and has been in bed all day and asleep.  I'm wondering if she is going to be up all night watching videos or being on the iPad. 

I couldn't have done last night without everyone's prayers and God's graciousness.  About the 5th time from one bedroom to another I remembered looking down at my feet and saying to myself: left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot.  That's how I did it.  One foot at a time. 

For a short period today after Bill said he was "in heaven" because of the bath he received from the Hospice aide, he watched a short episode of All In The Family on the iPad.  Now he's not so alert and hardly able to talk. 

Enough Is Enough

Extra prayer needed.  Diane started with the diahrrea, went home and now has the rest.  Jessie just started throwing up at 6:15 p.m.  We need extra prayer.  I will need to care for Jess in her room and Jon will have to care for Bill in our room.  He is failing. 

I Can't Remember From One Night To The Next

Now, didn't I say that I'd blog from my iPad because I figured out how to do it?  Well, you'd think I'd remember from one night to the next.  Not.  No blog last night because I was already upstairs for the night and after 10 frustrating minutes I gave up tring to remember and went to bed.

Diane stayed the night and slept with me rather than on the couch like she did the night before.  Like old times.  Unlike children today who have their own bedroom, the 3 of us kids shared one room for years and Di and I shared a room and bed until she left home for the Navy. 

Diane has one remembrance of a night long ago that seems like yesterday to her, but very foggy to me.  READER DISCRETION ADVISED:  Apparently I was sick with the flu and threw up in her hair.  She remembers going into the bathroom and looking into the mirror and strings of throw up running down her face.  Just in case, we slept back to back last night!

Diane took me to the doctor yesterday and I have a bladder infection.  Go figure.  Antibiotic working.  Jon had to work today because it's his one year anniversary and in order to be elibigle for personal days, etc., he had to work today.  We that said, we qualified for continuous care and Hospice sent out a 12 hour nurse to care for Bill while I recouperate and until Jon returns home tonight.  While this is such a blessing and I AM resting downstairs, I feel guilty not being the one to care for him.  But I am doing what I'm told so we can carry on these next days.  Bill is getting closer.  Your continued prayers are appreciated.