Date Day

Diane took the day off of work to have a date with her sister and nephew.  Randie came too and we met for breakfast at a Pancake restaurant.  Then we went to the shooting range.

As you can see from my target, I've gotten better.  In fact, the target was used while I shot Jon's 40 caliber gun.  Diane, as expected, did very well.  She looked like a natural.

Randie isn't fond of guns, yet overcame her apprehension and shot my gun once.  I am so proud of her.  She reminds me of my mom, who would try almost anything once.  Way to go, Randie!  You should be proud of yourself!

Jessie had a meltdown this morning when I reminder her that it was Shopping Day.  She was so upset I decided it wasn't worth sending her where she'd have a panic attack.  I went instead later in the day.  She was very happy about that!

My Peony Plants

My peony plants have bloomed.  I have them along side the house on the south side.  It's too bad the flowers don't last very long because they sure are pretty.  Mine are deep pink. 

My neighbor, Ann, who passed away a number of years ago always admired my plants.  She used to say how pretty my "pee-oh-nee" plants were.  At first I didn't know what she was talking about because I called them "pee-ah-nehs".  However, in remembrance of my friend, Ann, they are now always called "pee-oh-nees". 

Jess had an absolutely giggly day.  Everything was funny to her.  I found that this is just as annoying as her yelling.  I wish we could reach a happy medium.  The weather was so nice she spent a great deal of time in her swing. 

She Does Like To Swing

Tuesdays are supposed to be Library Day, but when I reminded Jess that it was Library Day, she lost it.  She screamed, cried and refused to budge from her seat.  I talked with her a bit and told her we'd change Library Day to Reading Day and she could stay home and not go to the Library (where there are always kids).  She was happy about that. 

In the afternoon Debbie took Jess for a hair cut and since they were early, stopped at a park to swing.  As always, her eyes are closed. 

Jon and I went to Sears since he needed to get a pair of black shoes for his uniform change at work.  He's not happy about changing from dark blue scrubs to black bottom scrubs and a light blue polo shirt.  I also bought a new refrigerator since mine is old and the door shelves keep falling off when the refrigerator door is opened.  I've already had a service man check them and there's nothing you can do about it.  The new doors have shelves that fit into grooves and they can't fall off.  Have you checked the price of refrigerator's lately?  If not, you may not want to!

Memorial Day

We had a nice quiet day.  I decided to take a break and not work, so I only did 4 loads of wash and vacuumed the floors.  I played a bit on the iPad, read some and took a nap.  Jess played on her iPad, watched videos, played with her Apples to Apples cards and laughed alot.  Jon chilled out in his room.  He made us a special breakfast: baked egg and cheese cups.  I made a special lunch: chicken salad sandwiches.  For dinner I cheated because of the heat and put country style ribs in the crock pot and when they were finished, fried the meat in a fry pan with bbq sauce.  Potato salad and corn on the cob(Meijer's) and watermelon (Thanks, Caroline!).  We sat out in the living room and watched "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked", and enjoyed a bowl of ice cream.  Now it's time to call it a day again.

Jess has been pretty good today.  The only time she's screamed is when either Jon or I have coughed.  I beat her once and screamed: "Shut UP!" when Jon coughed.  She just looked at me with wide eyes and laughed.  She beat me the next time. 

We're Back!

Jess, Chris and I went to up north yesterday morning to visit Grandma (and Aunt Ruth, Uncle Bill and Billy).  We spent all afternoon at their home and had lunch and dinner with them.  Jess was excited to see Grandma and kept putting her head on her shoulder.  We had a very nice visit, even though Jess was adament all afternoon about leaving and going to the hotel.

Prayer for Grandma would be appreciated as she has fallen a couple times and now doesn't want to walk.  They have to use the wheelchair for her at all times. 

After dinner we drove to Gaylord and stayed at the Hampton Inn. Jess wanted to go in the pool so bad, but there was a young boy in the water who was very loud and running around, so she immediately decided not to go in the pool.

This morning Chris went to church with Bill and Billy and Jess and I went back to their home to visit Aunt Ruth and Grandma.  For lunch we went to the Lewiston Lodge. (Of all the years we had our home in Lewiston, we NEVER ate there!)   It was very nice and I was glad we were inside watching the rain rather than driving through it.

I was very apprehensive about the weather this weekend because yesterday's weather map showed us traveling right through bad storms on I-75.  However, there was nothing.  Today we woke to a bad storm and it poured very, very hard all morning and about a half hour of our trip home.  After that, no more rain.  We missed it again - Thank you, Jesus!

Jon stayed home and worked on his model ship, went shopping and to the show.  He said that Memphis wasn't happy that we left.  I'm glad that we were missed. 

A Different Day For Jess

Instead of breakfast out with just Debbie, Mom went along, too.  From there we went to Kroger's then home to put all away and rest for a bit.  We left again and went to the post office, McDonald's drive thru for a quick sandwich, the cemetery for an appointment, then shopping at Meijer's.  I just don't know why Jess isn't as tired as I am.  That girl can go and go and go. 

Julie came by and we had dinner together and a nice long talk that was way over due.  Jon finished his second day in a row and now has 4 days off.  That's like a vacation!  Wonder what he wants to do?

A New Look

In reading books on grieving, they all say that you should rest and treat yourself to something special.  So, today I got my hair colored.  I've been so tired of the grey look and I really like having it colored again.  It looks very nice, if I do say so myself.  Thank you, Veronica!

While I was gone I had Debbie and Jessie empty the hall closet upstairs so I could get through the door to the eaves to retrieve something I needed.  Now, for those of you that know me well, you know that I am a very organized person. This particular closet USED to be organized, but for a month or so before Bill died I just opened the door and threw stuff in.  Literally.  All thrown stuff was put on my bed and I was supposed to take care of it when I got home.  For some reason I forgot and when I went upstairs to get Jess ready to bed I discovered that I had better take care of things or I'd be sleeping elsewhere.  I finished about 10:30 p.m. 

Our new picture is hung and looks really nice.  Thanks, Dorene!  I will take a picture of it in daylight and post it soon. 

Eye Exam

Because of my mom's macular degeneration, Diane and I are screened every two years to make sure that it doesn't begin in our eyes.  Today was my visit.  The first time I had the drops put in, I wasn't able to see for 8 hours and I got really sick.  Two years ago I told them about my reaction and they cut back on the drops.  They did the same today, but it did take hours to be able to see clearly again.  Jon took me to the appointment then treated me to lunch.  When I came home I sat in my chair and rested - actually slept for 3 hours!

I got a bit emotional when I went into the office.  Didn't expect that, but I've taken my mom there for years, then Bill's mom, too.  When the doc wanted to know what was happening and I mentioned about both Mom and Bill dying, he gave me a big hug.  That about undid me.  That was nice of him, though. 

Jess had a good day with Debbie for a change.  They did odds and ends then for baking day made a Bisquick sloppy joe pie for dinner, and Jess helped alot.  It was good and so nice not to have to cook. 

A Fun Hour

I had a private, hour-long shooting lesson today and had a great time.  I sure do like this sport.  And, I did very well, too, if I do say so myself.  I'm looking forward to next week when Jon and I can both go and I can show him how much better I am than the first time I shot my gun.  Practice, practice, practice.  That's the key.  And, for once, practicing is fun.

I've had my eye on a large picture at Family Christian Stores for about a month that would go perfectly in the living room.  It is very expensive and even though I had a 40% off coupon, I still didn't want to spend the money.  However, I received a gift card from church on Sunday and I went today and bought it.  With the gift card and my 40% off coupon, I paid $8 and some cents for it!  What a deal! 

Another Week Begins

Monday morning.  Debbie works from 9 to 1.  I usually do paperwork.  Today I also cleaned the house and vacuumed.  Several loads of wash were also done.  At 1:15 or so Jess and I went out to lunch.  Today I brought a mac and tuna salad to eat and Jessie had a McChicken.  We ate at the park - in the van, of course. 

After dinner I went to a Tupperware Party.  I haven't been to one of those in years.  My mom's sister, Elsie, was a tupperware dealer way back when and my mom had just about every piece there was.  I also have quite a bit, and don't need more.  However, there are new containers that are supposed to keep fruits and vegetables fresher for longer.  We'll see.  I bought the set, because since there's only 3 of us, I'm finding I throw out more than we consume of celery, carrots, lettuce, etc. 

Jon had the day off and helped me around the house and worked on his model ship.  I'll have to take a picture of it when it is done.  It looks great!  

Thank You For The Honor

If I thought yesterday was fast, it had nothing on today.  Jess and I met Di and Randie for breakfast at 10:00 a.m. then we went to Tulley's to buy some perrenials for the front of the house which has been relandscaped.  Came home and figured out where all should go.  They left and JoAnne called to see what I was doing.  Told her to bring a pizza and come for a couple hours.  She did and we had pizza and salad, then chatted. 

At 4:00 we had our church's annual conference where we elect new leadership for the coming year(s) and go over the past and future budgets.  We also hear what "we" have done in the past year and what is going to happen in the year to come.  Thank you, Debbie, for working a Sunday afternoon so I could be at the meeting.

Jon had to work but got off early to be there.  During the meeting I was presented with the honor of having the new Resource Center named after me ... "The Sutton Resource Center".  Nineteen years ago I began our church's library with zero books.  When I needed to leave this ministry last year, we had 6,000 books, videos, DVD's, cassettes and books on tape.  Since then it has been moved downstairs to make it more accessible and has now become a Resource Center.  I also received a bouquet of flowers and a gift card for Family Christian Stores.  Thank you for the honor. 

I'm glad that Bill knew about this before he passed away.   He was very excited for me.  I wish it could be called the Bill Sutton Resource Center, though, because if not for him, I would never have been able to devote so many hours to its growth and development. He also made all the bookshelves and learned how to process books.  In later years we were able to go to the Library and work together in this ministry.  That was very special. 

Again, thank you for the honor of having this new room called ... "The Sutton Resource Center". 

Another Fast Day

I had another meeting with Jessie's psychologist.  He firmily believes that we are so connected that if I have a good day, she'll have a good day.  If I grieve, she'll grieve.  She is very angry, but I am not.  That is one difference.  That is something I've not been through this whole ordeal.  I don't believe that I have ever been angry at God for all that has happened.  I've accepted it and trust Him that this is what His plan is for our family.  I don't especially like it, but I've never been angry at God.  I'm not sure the psychologist believes me.  Oh, well. 

Jess and I spent the day together.  I did some paperwork and wash, then we went to the post office, bank, Walgreen's and brought McDonald's home to picnic on the deck with our friend Dorene.  I hung some of Jon's pictures in the living room, did some of this, some of that, and now it's time to go upstairs.  I'm not quite sure where the day went.

One Thing After Another

Jess and Debbie went to breakfast.  Jon went to breakfast then went to the show and saw "Battleship", which he really liked.  I took my time this morning and ate breakfast playing on my iPad.  Did a couple loads of wash then drove to 23 Mile and Gratiot to have lunch with my good friend, Julie.  I also went to Meijer's there and bought landscaping items that I needed.  Took a short nap when I got home (still in pain) then left for an early dinner with my Joyful Journey girlfriends at DaFrancesca's.  We had a very nice time.  I believe it's been about 20 years that we've gotten together, and stayed together.  I am grateful for the support and friendship of this very special group of friends.

Happy 24th Birthday, Jon

I took Jon out to breakfast at his favorite restaurant and our favorite waitress, Heather, put a candle in his pancake butter and sang Happy Birthday to him. 

For dinner he requested breakfast so we had eggs, cheesy hash browns, sausage and a blueberry muffin.  Dessert was a cherry pie with almond frosting.  Yum. 

He spent quite a bit of time working on his ship this afternoon and some computer work.  In all, I think he had a pretty nice day.  He was a bit down, as was I, since this is his FIRST birthday without Dad.  However, it was still a good day.  Thank you, Jesus.

Now, on the other hand, Jess had a very bad day.  Prayers are needed for her because her psychologist "diagnosed" her with clinical depression.  She put up a "fight" going to the grocery store and was so bad for Debbie that I wouldn't blame her if she quit.  Which, by the way, isn't an option!!!! 

Pastor Garry came to see me today and the look of shock on her face was awful.  She said "Dad".  Then she looked at me and I knew that she was thinking that since he came to visit me that I was sick and dying just like daddy was when Pastor Garry came many times to talk.  I had to reassure her that I wasn't sick or dying.  That was sad.  Who knows what goes through her mind. 

Also, please say a prayer for me.  I mentioned yesterday that I paid for yesterday walking around most of the day.  Well, today has been worse.  Every part of my body is in pain.  Not sure what is going on, as I am not sick otherwise.  It is discouraging to think that I can't walk without "paying" for it later with pain.  Thanks for uplifting us again. 

Grief Counseling Plus

I had my second session of Grief Counseling at 11:00.  Today's was very insightful and the counselor reaffirmed that I am not going crazy and that all the emotions I have been dealing with are normal.  I reaffirmed the fact that I do not like grieving.  I told her that I wish there was a manual that I could read and follow, check off each phase as I go through it and then be done.

Please know that I am not minimizing in any way my love and grief over losing Bill.  He was my everything.  He's the man I prayed for and was given as a gift from God.  I miss him terribly, but I know that he is enjoying himself and he wouldn't want to come back - even if he could.  I wouldn't want him to.  I just don't like crying often and going through a new loss each day as I experience what his absence means ... like ... well, I think I'll share that another night.

After my session I went shopping around the Oakland Mall.  I don't normally shop over there, but it was fun going to different places.  However, around 3:00 my knees were screaming at me, my back hurt and my feet weren't much better.  I tend to forget at times that I'm not able to walk as much as I used to, and I am paying for it tonight.  Oh, well, at least I enjoyed myself.

Thank You For Praying

Jessie and I met 11 other women for lunch today at a local restaurant and she did very well.  She tried hanging on me a couple times, but as a whole, did very well.  Thanks for praying for her.  There was also a little boy and a baby in the restaurant and she still did OK.  It was a nice time out.

I did paperwork, a couple loads of wash, took a nap and vacuumed.  Exciting, eh?  I'm feeling a bit lost.  There isn't anything I really have to do and if I do it tomorrow, who cares?  No one but me.

A Beautiful Day

You really couldn't ask for a nicer weather day.  Just the right temperature.  Sun shining.  Perfect.

Debbie is still in Georgia visiting her parents and won't return here until Wednesday.  After washing some clothes and writing out some bills, Jon joined Jess and me for Girl's Day Out.  We had lunch at Bellacino's then dropped Jon's jeep off at Henderson Glass to have the windshield replaced because of a stone hit and windshield crack.

While we waited for it to be completed, we went to Big Lots, K-Mart's and Kee's Pets.  Jess didn't do too bad in the two big stores as we put her in the wheelchair.  Tomorrow I've been invited out to lunch with Bible Study ladies and I plan on taking Jess with me.  Please be in prayer for this as she doesn't do well in restaurants.  I'm hoping that since it's all ladies she knows, it'll go well.  Prayer would certainly help, though.

Happy Mother's Day

I have been dreading today for a couple weeks now.  This was my second Mother's Day without my Mom and my first without my husband.  However, it's been a very nice day. 

Jon didn't have to work so he joined Jess and I for breakfast.  He made eggs and toaster waffles and I had bought a small lemon cake and we had that for dessert.  After we ate Jon and Jessie gave me very nice presents ... from Jess I got a book and some lotion.  Jon gave me a book and a gift card from Hobby Lobby. 

For lunch we went to Chris' house for a nice chicken bbq.  Eric and Sean and Sean's girlfriend, Ashley, were there and we had a nice time.  Jon and the boys played xbox for awhile, Jess played with her letter tiles and watched a DVD and Chis and I had a chance to talk.  In all, a very nice day.  Thank you, Jesus, for turning a day that could have been hard into an enjoyable and fun day.

Crabby Day

Tuesday, May 5

Oh. My. Goodness. Talk about having a crabby day. That was Jessie despite the presence of Jane. Personally, I think she's giving us all a "run for our money" because we've changed her days again. For a month she was just with Jon and me. Now the aides are back and she has to adjust again.

Today was our lunch outing and she was even crabby then. We ate with the goats, delivered some eggs, then went to the Northern Market on Van Dyke and 35 Mile Road. Jess, of course, stayed in the van while Jane and I shopped. I got a couple ornamental cabbage plants and Jane got a hanging plant. I also bought some peach cider and Jessie hollered all the way home that she wanted some NOW.

Change is not easy for my darling daughter. Hopefully, by this time next week she won't be so crabby. But. In the meantime, it's going to be a very long week!

Another Goodbye

Today Jess, Debbie and I took Lois to the airport in Flint. Doesn't Jess look cute pulling the suitcase?  She did a really good job of it, too.  We couldn't get her in the elevator, though, to go to the second level to watch Lois go to the plane area.  She stayed downstairs with Debbie and I walked up with Lois.  It was hard saying goodbye again for another year.

It's been a really quick 5 weeks that she's been in Michigan, and nothing like a real vacation for her this time.  Please pray for Lois as she continues her flight home to LaPointe, Haiti.  She won't be landing in Miami until about an hour from now and it will be her 4th airport.  Traveling by air is exhausting.  It seems like you rush to wait. 

On the way home we ate lunch in Imlay City and we drove past the Country Meat store in Almont. We got a picture of Debbie, Jess and the moose on top of the car.  Jess and I are just walking away from going up to the gienormous cow.  In all, it was a nice outing for us.

One Thing Right After Another

Shower for me - bath for Jess.

Out the door by 8:45 a.m. for 9:30 dental appointment for Jess.

Breakfast with Debbie at 10:30 p.m. before going home.

Home by 12:00 and out the door at 12:20.

Dental appointment for me and trip to the bank.

Jess refused to go grocery shopping so I went instead.

Gone a couple hours because I am slow - plus I look at everything!

Home and rested about 15 minutes before making chop suey for dinner.
Cleaned up kitchen and continued with packing up Bill's clothes for Purple Heart on Saturday.

Placed an internet order for some clothes for Jess.

Doing my blog now.

Back upstairs to continue with Bill's clothes.

I am not liking emptying the closet of all my husband's clothing.  If you've seen The Iron Lady, starring Merrill Streep, about Margaret Thatcher, you will know how I feel about it.  If you haven't seen it yet, just know that it is a job that hurts.  It's something that needs to be done, and others will benefit from all Bill's clothes.  He enjoyed dressing up.  He enjoyed nice clothes.  Alot of them.  My goodness, but there is alot of clothes!



Artesian Wells

They are very nice to have - unless they are not is use and continually flowing in the ground and in your basement!  Today I had a well drilling company come and find the well and seal the well off.  Not knowing where the well was located, there was a possibility that I'd lose the front bushes, sidewalk or tree.  Guess what?  It was located between the sidewalk and the bushes.  I am so thankful.  It's expensive enough to fix this problem, I didn't want to have to landscape, too.  

Apples To Apples

We had company for dinner last night (thus no blog as the last person left at 11:00 p.m.) and after we ate, we played Jessie's favorite game - Apples to Apples.  We have every Apples to Apples game that there is.  Her Junior game, she knows almost all the word cards.  As you can tell from the picture, she was having a great time! 

Today Debbie took her to the Library and they put puzzles together.  She checked out new books and even bought a couple.  When I got home in the afternoon from an appointment, Debbie was on the floor playing ... Apples to Apples with Jess.

Yesterday afternoon I took Jess to the eye doctor because she had lost a nose pad.  She was told to sit down and the girl would be right with her.  When the girl came up she asked us what was needed.  Jess took off her glasses, pointed to the missing nose pad and said "there".  I was so proud of her.  She was able to communicate what she needed.  Sure, it was simple, but usually she just sits and says nothing or hides her face.  This time she looked at the girl and handed her the glasses!  Way to Go, Jess!

Holding My Hand

I didn't post last night because I got home around 11:00 p.m. and was too tired.  Sorry!

Three of my "girl" friends and I went to Bethesda Christian Church last night and saw Guy Penrod.  He is a tremendous singer, formerly with the Gaither Vocal Band.  Last September he branched out on his own.  I'm not a huge follower of the Gaithers, but I knew that I liked Guy Penrod's singing.  It was an awesome concert.  Very uplifting and I thoroughly enjoyed singing along with the old hymns. It was very long, too.  Two hours with no intermission. 

Unfortunately, since I don't have any of his albums or know his signature songs, the second to the last song caught me totally by surprise.  He sang "Knowing What I Know About Heaven".  It's a beautiful song about someone arriving in Heaven and for someone on earth having to say goodbye.  I had no warning - the next I knew, I was sobbing.  The kind where you shake and can't stop or even breathe!  How embarassing.  However, my 3 friends all grabbed hold of my hand and held it the entire song.  Their love and concern for me was so evident.  I felt blessed. 

If you've never heard him, bring him up on YouTube.  Also listen to the song, "Breathe Deep".  It's bout savoring the moments in life that we may ordinarily miss.  The next time I have one of those moments, I am going to breathe deep and Praise God for them.

After the concert we went to Lenny's for a late dinner.  It was fun sitting around a table with friends and laughing alot.  I can't remember the last time I was out so "late" at night. 

Today Jess has spent most of the day on her iPad, I've done a few things, but mostly played on my iPad.  I really don't feel like doing anything.  I'll save my paperwork for the morning.  We ate lunch and dinner on the deck.  I am so blessed to have had a husband who made a dream come true for us.  He began the deck while on chemo and finished most of it last fall.  It is a very nice place to be.  Thanks, Bill!

A Two-Day Blog

Last night when I should have been creating a post, we were waiting for the storm to hit.  The understairs closet was ready and we were keeping up with the weather map on our iPhones.  Thankfully it didn't pan out.  However, Jess had herself so worked up about the storm that she talked non-stop, and I do mean NON-STOP for over an hour. 

I figured I'd never get her to sleep in her own bed so I just put her in mine.  She calmed down in about 10 minutes.  However, it was a good thing she was already there, otherwise I'd have had to go get her or move over before she ran down the hall and jumped in my bed.  We had one of the longest storms I can remember in a long time.  Thunder, lightning, tons of rain.  I was actually surprised to see the sun out this morning.

Jon and I joined Jess, Debbie and Jess' case worker for breakfast.  It was nice to sit around a table with 5 people.  The girls at the Garden Grille take good care of us, especially Heather. 

I haven't been happy lately.  I'm not unhappy, I just don't feel any happiness.  I guess.  It's hard to describe.  Jessie's also been screaming alot.  She certainly isn't happy, that's for sure. 

Grief Counseling

Today was my first session of individual grief counseling through Beaumont's Hospice program.  I felt individual sessions would be best since in the past two years there have been numerous things to grieve, the most recent and hardest, Bill's death.  Even though I feel I am doing very well, I just don't know how to handle so many losses.  One thing I learned today was that each loss needs to be grieved individually.  Bummer.  I have several major losses. 

Jess slept for 12 hours last night and woke up quite weepy.  I'm wondering if she's depressed.  She doesn't act sick.  Just tired.  She's been taking naps each day, too.  I'll probably take her in to the doctor and see what he thinks.

My New Hobby

I haven't told you about my new hobby.  I've hesitated in telling everyone about it, but today I decided that since I am having so much fun with this hobby, I would share it with you.  Some of you will be astonished.  Some will say, "Go, Girl!"  I'm not sure what all will be said, but it doesn't matter, because I enjoy it, and that's what is important.

So, what is it?  Last December I took an 8-hour CPL class with two other girlfriends.  (CPL = concealed pistol license)  We had 5 hours of lecture and 3 hours of range.  I thoroughly enjoyed this class, and even Bill was excited that I enjoyed it so much.  (He said that we would become the PPM's ... pistol packin' mommas!).  In February I went before the Macomb County Gun Board and received my license. I am extremely proud of my accomplishment.

Because of Bill's failing health I wasn't able to go to the range and shoot with Jon (he's had a CPL and pistol for quite awhile).  I've recently purchased a Sig 380.  A nice little "sweet thing", as people say as they see it.  Today Jon and I went to the range and I shot it for the first time. Boy, I really like this sport.  I can't wait til we can go again!  This is also something that Jon and I can do together.  My only regret is that Bill wasn't able to see me shoot.  I know he would have had a big smile on his face - especially the times I hit the target!

I hope to not only hit the target, I want to get the bullseye!  After all, I come from a family of sharp shooters:  my dad was a Detroit Police Officer and was a sharp shooter, Diane was in the Navy and was also a sharp shooter and Ed was in the Marines and he, too, was a sharp shooter.  Who knows, maybe one day I will be good enough to join a shooting league.  We have an awesome shooting range very close to our house.  I'm too old to bowl, so maybe this can take its place!

YEAH, ME!!!!!