"Angels Of Humility"

This morning seven ladies met to continue discussing this book by Jackie Macgirvin. I've read books all my life and I've never had a fiction book have such an impact on my life as this one has. We are discussing the book and looking into what the Bible has to say about the topics in the story. Very interesting conversations. I'm really enjoying this.

The kids and I had to go to McDonald's for lunch because that is what Jess and I do each Saturday. Jon was home so he joined us. I don't think the 3 of us have eaten there together in many, many months.

Julie came this afternoon to watch movies. We watched "Eat, Pray and Love" and "The Letter Writer". While watching them we folded Lois' prayer letters and stuffed and sealed envelopes. I am so thankful that she was willing to help me.

I have been diffusing "Serenity" (an essential oil) in the family room next to where Jessie sits. It has made a little difference. She's quieter. Well, some of the time. She still enjoys yelling at me, especially if I cough.

A Day Out For Me

I went to the bank then Office Depot to get Lois' prayer letters printed. While I waited I went to the Christmas Tree Store, lunch at Red Lobster with my friend, Lynne, back to Office Depot, post office then home. I had hoped to get a pedicure, but there were too many people already there. So, I thought I'd spend the money on my van and get it washed. I quickly turned around when I saw that the line had at least 20 cars ahead of me. That's what a sunshiny day will do. Everyone wants their cars to be clean. Oh, well. Mine won't be for awhile. Maybe I'll leave it out of the garage on Sunday when we're supposed to get snow.

Jessie and Debbie had breakfast out then went to pick up a few stray items at Meijer's. They spent the rest of the day doing paperwork and watching a movie. Jon worked and came home looking like something the cat dragged in. He said it was a non-stop day.

A Happy Anniversary To You, Jon !!!

Here's a Happy Anniversary to celebrate: 5 years ago today Jon received his RN license. He's officially been a nurse for 5 years, and March 1 will be his 4th anniversary where he works. Congratulations, my son! I am very proud of you and the man you have become.

Just before Jon got home from work tonight I put a dent in my forehead by leaning down on an edge of a cabinet door I had open. Very stupid. It bled quite a bit, as all head wounds do, and gave me a little headache. I needed to stop the bleeding so I put a cold, wet wash cloth on my head. I figured I'd better tell Jess what happened or she'd get upset if she saw me holding the cloth to my forehead. Well, that didn't happen. I went to where she was in the family room and said, "Jess, Momma has a boo boo!"  She took one look at me and said, "Ouch!", then promptly began to laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Not the reaction I thought I'd get. When I told her it wasn't funny, she laughed even harder.

Anniversaries

For over a week I have felt depressed. I believe most of it is caused by being in chronic pain with my back and the effects of medication. The other part is that I am grieving all over again, and I don't like it. I was so upset this afternoon that I went to my room, closed the door and slept for 3 hours. I would have stayed there, too, except that Jessie had speech and I needed to get up and pay the therapist. (Jessie did very well today, as a side note, from Cheryl!)

We have a couple anniversaries coming up - Bill and my mom. Even though I have not been thinking of this a lot, my subconscience must be because I'm dreaming of both of them almost every night. I don't usually dream of them, that I remember anyway. Jon has been down emotionally, also, and Jessie has spent several weeks talking about her dad a lot. I don't know how she knows because we don't talk dates with her, and I don't talk about her dad much either. I take my cues from her.

It'll be 3 years on March 8 for Bill and 4 years on March 28 for my mom. It's been along time. No one asks anymore how I'm doing. How the kids are doing. If I'm lonely. What are my new goals for the future. Do I have any? Have I found my new identity? If I sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm not. Most days I do very well, but I guess anniversaries are harder than I thought they would be. Maybe the first or second year, but surely not the third. I didn't expect this.

I gain great comfort from God and the Bible each day. I am thankful for what He has given me, yet sometimes I think about what I thought my future was going to hold and it is different from reality. No growing old together for us. No retirement vacations like we had planned.

I know that many of you can relate to this. You've also lost someone you loved so very much. I hope that you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I hope that God is your comforter, as He is mine. Yet, we are human, are we not? We can't just sweep these feelings under the rug, so to speak. I have a choice tonight and that is to continue to trust God that He has a special plan for my future and that He continues to be my comforter when that is what I need.

After reading this post you're probably wishing I wrote about what we ate for dinner and where we went for lunch!

A Change Of Plans

On Monday Debbie supervised Jessie as she put her videos away in the closet. This morning I went into her bedroom and discovered that she had a "mess again!"  Sorry Debbie.

The appointment for Jessie was cancelled at 8:30 a.m. because the NP was sick. I was very disappointed because I was hoping to find some help for both Jessie and me. I have to wait until Jon gets his schedule before I can reschedule the appointment. 

Jessie could have cared less that the appointment was cancelled, but I knew we couldn't cancel our lunch out, or the rest of the day would not be good. So, we went to the post office then to Benny's. When we got home Jon helped me with paperwork I needed to do for Income Tax. I finished filing for 2014 and 2015 to present. Hoorah! I still have quite a bit to do to be ready to have my taxes done. But, I see an end to the work.

A Blah Monday

I spent time working on the Representative Payee Report I send in every year detailing each penny that is spent or saved for Jessie. I finished it and sent it off via the internet. We're good again for another 12 months.

I also worked on lots of paperwork that is due for an appointment we have for Jessie at a new doctor's office. A psychiatrist's office, although we don't get to see him. We will be seeing a Nurse Practitioner. I am hoping she can help us with some of Jessie's issues, as well as possibly change her medication.

The rest of the day has been very blah for me. Taking narcotics several days in a row has an effect on my emotions. I've even taken 2 naps. Here's to a better tomorrow!

Breakfast With Diane and Randie

Jess and I went to Diane and Randie's for breakfast. Diane made blueberry crepes, along with scrambled eggs and bacon. PLUS, our Mom's prize coffee cake. It is our favorite, but I rarely make it because I'd eat the entire coffee cake. Diane had bought me a back brace to see if it would help me with my pain and I picked it up today. I will use it around the house and see if it makes any difference.

When Jess and I left we went to Office Depot and FCS, then Wendy's for a picnic lunch in the van. We also stopped in at Jon's work to see him. Jess worked on word searches most of the day along with watching YouTube videos on her iPad. I took a short nap until Chris came and spent the afternoon and evening visiting. We had a nice roast beef dinner. I rarely make that either. It was sooooo good, if I do say so myself.

"Just You And Me" Again

As much as Jessie loves her aides, she seems to look forward to days where it's just her and me. After breakfast we went to Walgreen's, Meijer's and McDonald's for lunch. Unfortunately, the shopping was too much for my back and I was in a lot of pain. I took what I could then when Jon got home from work I was able to take a stronger pain pill. (I need to get upstairs while I can still walk.)

After we got the groceries in and I began to put items away, I noticed that it seemed a little cooler than usual in the house. I think I mentioned that my furnace was making a very loud noise all week. Well, when we got home there was no noise - and, no heat! Thankfully, I was able to have the furnace installer come and replace the part a couple hours later.

Too Cold For Breakfast Out

When we got up the temperature was minus 12 degrees with the wind chill at minus 25 below zero. Jessie was none too happy when I told her that it was way too cold to go out for breakfast. Debbie came around 10:00 and the 3 of us ate breakfast together. Jon, on the other hand, did go out to eat.

Debbie and Jessie spent the day inside and Jessie had a good day coloring and doing book work. She was quiet and went through several books. I spent most of my day upstairs doing paperwork.

Jon, Jessie and I went to Younger's for fish and chips tonight. Their fish is THE BEST, and tonight was all-you-can eat. All-you-can eat is great, but the first plate is way too much to finish. We had enough left over for dinner tomorrow night. If you haven't had their fish, you need to try it.

Happy Birthday Randie !!! and Happy Birthday Brenda !!!

Jon and I met Diane and Randie at Bad Brad's for lunch to celebrate Randie's 70th birthday !!! The lunch was good, but the dessert! Now THAT was great. The 4 of us shared the 2 desserts. One was a peanut butter brownie with ice cream and the other was S'mores - golden graham sticks you dipped in melted marshmallows and chocolate syrup. Much better than any dessert I could have come up with. Our Randie sure doesn't look like she's 70. She is very young at heart and a lot of fun to be around. Diane has been giving her a gift each day this week. She even gave her a pajama warmer! It's an electric wrap that you can put your pajamas in (or whatever) and warm them up before putting them on. I think I need one.

Brenda shares Randie's birth date. She is exactly 20 years younger than Randie. Unfortunately, Jessie did not give her a good day. She was very challenging and difficult. I'm sure Brenda was ready to go home and get some peace and quiet.

Tonight we had our SIS meeting with the State of Michigan regarding Jessie. Their goal was to see what type of support she would need if she had all the money in the world to help her live independently. One of the questions was even about sexual relations. I'm glad Kelly warned me ahead of time how personal the questions get. I did have a bad attitude about the meeting before we began, but the answers we gave were given based on a numbering system. That helped. It also helped that the SIS worker was nice and personable.

Jessie was to be in the meeting also, but she stayed in the family room. Debbie came to be part of the meeting, as well as supervise Jess during this time. Several times we burst out laughing because Jessie would answer a question, "NO!" It was an appropriate response, too. She listened to every word that was being said.

Instead of a 3 hour meeting as I was told it would be, it was only 1 1/2 hours in length. It went better than I expected, but it was intense and a few times my brain quit and Jon or Kelly had to answer the questions. Not only am I tired of paperwork, I'm tired of meetings!

Nothing Seemed To Go Right Today

Debbie came early to help get Jessie ready so we could be out of the house by 9:00 to take the van in for service, eat a quick breakfast at McDonald's, drop me off at the house by 10:00 and be to Art Class by 10:30 a.m. We met the goal, except there was no Art Class. I forgot to take it off the calendar!

I waited all day for the "furnace guy" to come check on the weird furnace noise and he wasn't able to get here until 7:00 p.m. when I was at Stephen Ministry. (The inducer motor is bad and needs replacing. Thankfully, it is under warranty!)

My van had numerous little things that needed fixing, plus 2 items they added: new rear brakes and 4 new tires. Almost $1,000.00 later I can pick it up first thing in the morning.

I worked all afternoon on processing books to go in the Stephen Ministry Library. They've been on my counter for almost 2 years. That is so pathetic. I completed the project.

Finally ... Swimming Day

Jessie has been adamant since last Thursday that swimming was going to be the next day. She understands the days of the week, but kept hollering that she wanted to go swimming the next day - on Tuesday with Brenda. It's been challenging to say the least. Swimming day finally arrived and she stayed in the pool a long time. She even floated on 2 noodles and had Brenda pull her around the small pool. That has taken years for her to do.

I was home all day making phone calls and doing computer and book work. Normally I wear a short sleeved shirt and sandals, but today I was freezing. My feet were cold. My nose was cold. I drank hot tea. I finally went upstairs to my bedroom, shut the door and put on my small electric heater. I did more paperwork while up there.

The furnace is making a strange loud noise so I guess I'll have to have it looked at in the morning. It's only 2 1/2 years old, so it shouldn't have gone bad. Maybe its because its just so cold outside. Everyone is complaining about the cold, snowy weather. It has been very cold, I must admit. I try not to complain about it, though, because it puts negative thoughts in my head and I don't need them. Winter is cold. Winter is snowy. Winter is also beautiful. And winter comes every year.

She Came Back !!!

That's what Jessie said this morning when Debbie returned from vacation. She couldn't stop hugging or kissing her. Jessie even took my hand and led me to Debbie and made me hug her, too. I was going to, anyway, but I really had to when Jessie initiated it. It was really great having her back. She was missed.

I spent several hours this afternoon working on a report for tomorrow's meeting with Jessie's Case Worker in preparation for her PCP. Jess and I left around 3:00 and went to Veronica's and got our hair cut. When we were finished we called Jon and he met us at Wendy's for dinner.

Brenda picked me up around 7:00 and we went to Andrea's to begin discussing the book "Angels of Humility". We talked for 1 1/2 hours and only covered the first 2 chapters. There will be several more women meeting with us in a couple weeks. It was a good evening.

PRAYER UP-DATE ... Last week I asked you to pray for the rubbermaids I sent to Lois that they would make it in time for the boat to leave on Feb. 15.  Well, they arrived in time for that date, but they missed the boat since it left on the 12th. I was so disappointed. Now we need to pray that the boat will make a quick and safe trip to Haiti and back to Miami then back to Haiti before March 23. Otherwise, I'm not sure what will happen to them. God's in control.

Blast From The Past

Thanks to my sister, Diane, I have new photos to put on my bedroom wall. The top left one was taken February 1955 and the one on the right was in 1956. For Christmas she gave each one of us a picture she had enlarged and enhanced and put on a painted canvas. I love it and it is already on my wall. It looks a little lonely so I thought I'd have her do several more for a collage. I hope to get the canvas boards painted this week and the pictures adhered to it soon after.

Happy Valentine's Day

I took this picture last night before I went upstairs. I had everything ready for our Stephen Ministry Ladies Get Together breakfast before bed. When I woke up though, I wondered if I should cancel it. It was snowing hard and windy. I finally decided I'd wait and see if anyone called. Only 1 person cancelled and 2 showed up that were a maybe. There were 10 of us all together. It was another great time. The food was good, the fellowship sweet and the laughter went on for an hour. Each person got the book "Born To Be Wild" and we reminisced about wild times in our past. Such crazy ladies! Such fun!

Rachel was here to be with Jessie and Jon spent the time in his room. When the women left, I cleaned up the kitchen, ate lunch and took a nap. I was exhausted. You'd think I had worked all day. For dinner tonight we had grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. I've served this meal quite often for Valentine's Day.

To close on this special day I'd like to remind you about God's LOVE for us ...

"For God so LOVED the world, 

that He gave his only begotten son.

That whosoever believed in Him

would not perish,

but have EVERLASTING LIFE."

John 3:16

Valentine's Day Preparation

Yesterday my house was cleaned (thank you, Doreen!) and today I spent the day decorating and wrapping presents and making a craft to give away tomorrow for our Stephen Ministry Ladies' Get Together. There will be 10 of us here at 10:00 for a pot luck breakfast. I'm looking forward to the fellowship.

Chris called and asked if we wanted to meet for dinner, so Jess and I braved the cold and went out to eat. I brought half of my meal home for Jon, who worked today. He's off the next 3 days! Despite the colder weather predicted for Sunday, we're going to go to church! I really miss going when he works or the weather is bad. Church has been a large part of my life that it seems strange to be home on Sundays.

Jess and I had a good day together; that is until we went out to dinner. She got quite loud and testy. I wanted to sit and visit a little longer with Chris but she was too distracting to me, let alone the other customers. She's been watching home videos all day. She knows exactly which ones she wants to watch.

Gym Day

Jessie got to go out today with Brenda. They went to Meijer's, brought the groceries home then went to Gym Class, McDonald's then Kroger for Valentine suckers for a project I'm working on for Saturday's Stephen Ministry breakfast I'm hosting. Apparently, Jessie was a bit of a challenge for Brenda. Not sure why. She's been pretty good lately.

"Just You, Me and Jon"

Jessie was happy this morning when the 3 of us went to breakfast. She was supposed to go to Art class, but I was sure it wouldn't work for me to take her, so we went out with Jon. Then he went shopping and had his income tax done and we went to the bank and post office. When we got home I spent the rest of the day doing paperwork. I'm almost caught up on Jessie's which is good, because I received the annual report in the mail today that I have to send in giving an account of every penny spent for her. Jon's going to help me finish up this weekend with her stuff. I'll be so glad when it's done.

Swim Day !!!

Jessie was sooooo excited to see Brenda this morning and go swimming. I'm sure she was soooooo excited to not be with her mom, either! I had several meetings at church today for Stephen Ministry, then 4 of us went to lunch. I didn't get home until almost 3:30 p.m. Jon was home and got a hair cut (isn't this exciting?) and stopped at several places on his way home.

I don't think I mentioned that Jon is preparing to enlarge his square foot garden this year. We are taking down the playhouse structure (boo hoo!) and he will use that space for his garden expansion. He's doing a lot of research on companion planting and figuring out what he needs to purchase. Spring can't come too soon for him.

Another Day With Mom

Brenda sent me this picture of Jessie taken last week after Gym Class. I'm not sure why she had balloons or what she did with them, but she's got a cute smile on her face. It looks like she enjoyed herself.

Doreen and Shiloh watched Jessie while I was gone for a couple hours this morning. When I got home, we went to Wendy's in Romeo for lunch. Shiloh got a kid's meal with clown teeth. They are cute, eh?




Jessie wanted some new word search books so we stopped at the Dollar Store before coming home. She also bought a goofie looking pig and a puzzle. That girl likes to shop!

A 119 Point Word !!!

I am bragging right now. I played a 119 point word in Words With Friends today. This has NEVER happened before. I lose more games than I win. I probably will lose this one, too, even with my 119 point word! I had to brag because I don't want to forget this moment, and since I have my blog printed into books, it will be in print for me to read when I can't remember ever having a good point word.

After breakfast Jess and I had to make another Meijer's run to finish shopping for the last of the rubbermaids for Lois. They are now completed and ready to go to UPS tomorrow. PLEASE pray that they arrive in time. The ship leaves for Haiti on February 15. It'll be close. These boxes contain very important items Lois will need when she moves to the Capital next month. Your prayers are appreciated.

A Warmer Day

After a late breakfast Jess and I went to the bank, post office, Walgreen's and Meijer's. It was nice that it was quite a bit warmer than it has been. Although, now the forecast is calling for freezing rain. Jess and I did the usual Saturday stuff: breakfast, lunch, dinner, washed clothes, iPad and I finished rubbermaid packing for Lois. That's about it.

Oh - I almost forgot. I wanted to share something Jess said today. I pulled up to a red light and was going to make a right turn. There were several cars coming, but I crept up a little more so I could see when there would be a break. Jess suddenly exclaimed: "WAIT!" Great. Another back seat driver.

A Hard Day For Jessie

It was breakfast out with Kelly day, only Debbie has gone on vacation - again! So, just Jon, Jessie and I met Kelly. It worked out OK because we discussed our upcoming meetings. It didn't go OK with Jessie though. She's been getting louder in public and coughing and clearing her throat more. If anyone clears their throat, she clears hers - over and over again.

After breakfast we went to Home Depot, the post office, dropped Jon off at home, Hallmark store then Meijer's. She was OK in Meijer's until we were just ready to scan our groceries when a child somewhere began to cry. That did it. Panic attack. Crying. Loud. Scared. Clinging to me. It took me awhile to get her calmed down enough to scan the groceries.

We get in the car and she starts crying again - this time for her daddy. She keeps saying she wants her daddy back. She's been doing this for the past week or so. It's heart breaking. I sat down with her again yesterday and explained to her that daddy can't come back. When it's time to go be with Jesus, Heaven is too wonderful to come back. Our real home is in Heaven. (Not an easy concept for her to understand.) "Daddy big hug?" "Yes", I tell her. "Daddy will give you the biggest hug you've ever had when you get to Heaven." The picture is of Jessie loving on her dad as he is being tube fed July of 2011. She's not the only one who misses him.

I wanted us to go out to dinner tonight, but I wasn't sure how Jessie would be because of her being loud and clearing her throat or coughing. We decided to go to Younger's Tavern in Romeo because I figured it'd be loud and no one would hear her. We walked in and there were just a few people! Jessie looked cute, though. She was wearing her animal hat with the strings on both sides, carrying her Kindergarten word search book. She did pretty good. We got to sit in a corner by the front door and no one else was around us.

When we got home Jon and I watched a Pioneers documentary TV program in the living room and Jessie stayed in the family room, making NO noises at all. As soon as it was finished and I went back in the family room to the computer, she starts coughing and clearing her throat. This is soooo annoying.

A Spoon Full Of Sugar ...

I wish you could hear Jessie singing along, or trying to, to Julie Andrews singing "A Spoon Full Of Sugar Makes The Medicine Go Down!" on her iPad. She's even found it in another language and is trying to mimic those words. WAY too funny! She had a good day with Brenda. They went grocery shopping, gym class, McDonald's then the Library.

Jon has a sore throat so he stayed home most of the day. I am taking a break from Bible Study for awhile. I feel the need to spend the time I would if I went to Bible Study in my own study and Time Alone With God. I went to lunch with the small group from Bible Study at noon and had a nice time. I finished another box for Lois and read a bit this afternoon.

Art Class And Lunch With Friends

Debbie took Jessie to her 3rd Art Class. Today they painted with various colors. Unfortunately, Jessie did a lot of gagging, but managed to paint her board. I'm proud of her for trying. They did have to give her another plate and only gave her a small amount of each color, rather than a huge glob. I think that would make anyone want to throw up!

After class I met Debbie, Jessie, Brent, his aide, Megan, and his Mom, Diane, for lunch at McDonald's. Brent and Jessie have known one another for over 20 years. They went to elementary school together, and I've known Diane for about that length of time. They lived in the Havel Elementary attendance area and her other son attended Havel when I worked there. Brent is wheelchair bound and unable to speak. He has the most beautiful smile. It is because of his mom that there are Adaptive Gym and Art classes at the MTRC. Searching the community for educational and fun things to do for your special needs adult child turns up almost nothing. Especially inexpensive activities, as most special needs adults do not have money to spend on these classes. She is currently looking for ways for people/companies/churches to help support this program financially so that more special needs adults can attend. Way to go, Diane!

Debbie took pictures of Jess during the class but I forgot to pick out a couple to post. I'll have to post them later.

Finally! A Day Out For Jessie

Jessie was soooo excited that she got to go swimming with Brenda. She even spent a couple hours in the pool, which is unusual. They also went to Subway for lunch. Jon worked and I put another tote together for Lois. It's time to head upstairs, although Jessie keeps saying, "Ten more minutes!"

Snow Day

Before we went to bed last night, Jon said that the projected amount of snowfall was 12-14". I believe we got at least that or a little more. Diane and Randie got 16". When I let Memphis out this morning he carefully went down the stairs but since the snow was so deep he turned around and looked at me as if to say, "So, where do I go?" I'm not sure what he managed to do since I went and got his breakfast. He fared much better when Jon got the snowblower going and cleared off the driveways, walkways, and a path for the garbage cans to get to the road. 

I can tell you that Jessie was NOT happy that she couldn't go outside and play in the snow. For one it was way too cold, and the second, I couldn't go outside with her. With my back being as bad as it is, I am unable to do the things I'd still love to do, like playing in the snow or even shoveling. I am so glad that Jon had this weekend off and he was able to get us unburied.

Jessie, again, didn't want to do anything with me so she spent the day on her iPad, played Apples 2 Apples, and did something different with her Perler Beads. As you can see from the picture below, she placed her beads very carefully on a book. She emptied the dishwasher and played with Memphis. I know she's looking forward to Brenda coming tomorrow and taking her swimming. Three days in the house is a bit much.

A Painful and Restful Day

For some reason my back acted up and I was in alot of pain today. I've also had calf and foot cramps, which the doctor says is from my back. I took strong pain medicine, heated up my rice packs and sat on the couch for a couple hours reading a book. I did this after we had brunch - we didn't come downstairs until 11:00! I made pancakes and bacon. That was very nice, as the 3 of us rarely eat breakfast together unless we go out.

I am thankful for family dinners. I grew up eating at a table with the family and Bill and I carried that tradition over to our family. We've always eaten dinner at a table, unlike alot of families I know. I'm thankful for the time we spend eating and talking. Even Jessie. She always wants to know what everyone had for breakfast and lunch. I'm also blessed that she is able to let me know if she likes her food - 1 thumb up, 2 thumbs up, butt wiggle or 2 arms raised in the air. I don't always appreciate the screaming if she doesn't like something, though. Jon has always been complimentary about my food and thanks me. It means alot.

Jon and I just finished watching the movie, "God's Not Dead". Wow. Powerful! It was an excellent movie. Very moving. If you haven't seen it, it is worth buying the DVD. God. Is. Not. Dead!